Thursday, October 02, 2008

huge mistake

i have never enjoyed shaving. i remember the first time i shaved in 8th grade (i really didn't need to, but i was told that if you shave you will start to grow hair and i did... in the form of a redneck mustache), i cut the top part of my lip really bad and i couldn't believe how much blood gushed from that small cut. when my mom asked me what happened i told her a lie.
" i was clipping my nails and somehow the fingernail clippers flipped out of my hands and cut me." i was sure this was going to work. it was a perfect lie and i had been known to hurt myself with those dang clippers in the past.
"ahhhh... well, be careful the next time you clip your nails and please remember to clean the shaving cream out of the sink."
"what? that must have been tammy... she is really getting a hairy upper lip."

as the years went by i started shaving everyday and every time i would cut my chin or my neck. toilet paper never stuck well to my face and i seemed to be a free bleeder.

it is also annoying to shave every morning. nothing wakes you up like a good shave with a dull razor!

once i used me sister's razor. it was the smoothest my face had ever been. but don't tell her i did that.

about 3 years ago i realized that i should go for the 5 o'clock shadow look. it was easy and i just had to use clippers to keep it trimmed nice and short, but on rare retarded moments i would go for a clean shave. i would think too myself-

"maybe i will look younger?"

"maybe i won't cut the side of my face off this time?"

yet every time i was wrong. i would be bleeding all over the place and realizing i have a round head like a snowman.

one would think i would learn over the years to stop shaving, but for some unknown reason i shaved my face monday night. i only cut myself in three places. i still look like a snowman and dang, i have all of these bumps all over my face... and to top it off... my face itches now too.

so no more shaving! do you hear me? no more.... this must end now. who cares if i look older? who cares if my wife can't stand my beard when we kiss? who cares if tiny pieces of toilet paper get stuck in it when i blow my nose? ok... i do care about that one.

i just can't stand the itching...... and putting aftershave on doesn't just burn... it makes the bumps redder.

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