Wednesday, October 01, 2008

count down to baby

we have one week to go before jasper's due date. remind you, that he could come at any moment, but we are counting down just to give us an idea of when he could be here.
i have also started to get a little more nervous. it is going to be a huge change in my life and i am a very selfish person. so part of me wishes i had a little longer to wait.
i started writing a book for jasper "leave me on the front porch". a book that he is not going to be able to read until i die. it is a book about my family, past, and future plans. it will be a lot of honest conversations that i know i will not be brave enough to have with him face to face.
i have learned that father's don't always tell their sons everything about themselves. i am sure there is a good reason for that. maybe to protect the son from making the same bad choices. who knows, but when my son stands over my grave, i want him to know everything about his dad. it will be easy for me too... i won't have to answer any of his questions about why i did this or why i didn't do something else.
easy way out i guess...
so, i wait. i wait for him to come into my life and to teach me how to love more than just myself. how to sacrifice my desires to make sure he has everything he needs.
it should be fun and hard, but i hear that it is worth every lost freedom.


Anonymous said...

Yes, it is worth every lost freedom. Believe me when I say, I have lost a LOT of freedoms with five kids. But kids are precious gifts from God and they ARE worth the lost freedoms. As I look at what I've lost, most of it isn't really important. And what is, I can have again in about 20 years;)

rue said...
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SRoSeNcRaNs said...

you have no idea how little you will miss those so-called freedoms. what's really amazing is your ability to be free with your love, in a way you had no idea existed until you experience your little man...beware, the first few months are hard, but worth every single sleepless, colicky second. :)