Tuesday, April 29, 2008

dangers of free thinking friends

this was a picture rufus sent to me. the following is our conversation over e-mail. pray for the poor boy's soul.

tommy: this is evil. you need real help. i am going to put you on the prayer list.

rufus:Prayer List

Please pray for sister Sally (broken hip)

Brother Rico (lisp)

Brother Festus (cleft palate)

Sister Ida (psychosis)

Brother Tyrell (halitosis)

Brother Tommy (distribution of images depicting human-like hunting traits of hairy, orange primates specifically not mentioned in Genesis)

And Brother Rufus (evolutionary biology; poor taste in cartoons; overall apostasy)

how do you deal with such a free thinker?

Monday, April 28, 2008

2 year strike comes to an end

for the past two years i have avoided mowing my own lawn. i know, i know, i sound like a lazy man and that i avoid manual labor, but that is only partly true. i am also thinking about my fellow man. my neighbor enjoys mowing and having the extra money, but to save money i am going to start mowing. ugh. i try to encourage myself and view it as a way to get a tan and burn some fat, but i hate mowing. i have nothing but hills at my house and i will have to start shoveling dog poo.
yet, i will feel like a real man.
like my father in-law says "real men mow their yards".
my response used to be "smart ones get someone else to do it", but now i respond with "crap".

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

dear pope, i hope you are happy

since i was a little boy saturdays have been my favorite day. i get up early (9) and pour a bowl of cap'n crunch (with crunch berries) and watch my cartoons. this tradition has never left me(even though i am nearing 30 i still sit in front of the tv to watch my superhero cartoons).
this saturday was ruined by a small man in a white dress! darn that pope if he didn't cause me to miss my cartoons. my saturday was ruined.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

family guy!

angie actually let me watch 2 hours of the family guy last night.
that takes all of the fun of sneaking and watching it away.
i no longer like the show.

Tuesday, April 08, 2008


if you have spent any time around me, you would know that i have insane dreams. i have dreams of flying, fighting, thick hair, and some times i even dream i am being chased by the scary old man that was in star wars (i never knew his name, but he was on the death star. i think darth crushed his wind pipe with his mind).
needless to say, i am use to having random dreams about things i normally never think of. yet, last night proved that i am even more insane than i once thought. this dream took me to realms that acid could not even take me.
last night i dreamed that i had to save...DUM DUM DUM... Jon Secada's career! (gasp)
that is all i can say. i woke up shaken by the dream.

Monday, April 07, 2008

where was my song

before heading down to the vending machine to get a vitamin water i felt the need to pee. i walked into the men's restroom and almost smacked face first into the janitor. it was awkward, but boo (that is what we call him, but i am not even sure what his real name is) is a really cool guy. always asks how i am doing and empties my trash 2 times a day. yet today was awkward. as i stood there trying to pee, i wasn't able to sing my pee song, he asked me how i was doing.?.
number one rule of the men's restroom: don't talk to other's while peeing.
he walked out.
i stood there for a couple minutes.
sang my song.
whistled a different song.
i just now learned i suck at whistling.
i gave up.
now i sit at desk needing to pee.
it is going to be a wonderful monday.

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

maybe i am sorry

i am just bummed because i can never pull off a good april fool's joke.i suck at it. i have never been good at thinking up something. i am lame. i did get one april fool's joke over on someone, but it is an inside joke and you wouldn't understand (i hate when people do that, but i wanted to do it) and i am not able to share because it would be far to personal. just trust me that i got one person. i think i may have made them mad, but time will tell.
today i am just going to write random thoughts that come to mind as i set at me desk and wait for work to fall on me.

1. is it time for me to start trimming my nose hair?
that is a good question. i have never noticed any long ones, but someday soon they will grow long and i may become overwhelmed by them if i don't start taking care of them now. so tonight i will trim my nose hair.

2. do these jeans make me look fat?
i don't believe they do. according to my wife i still don't have a butt.. so therefore these jeans cannot make me look fat if there is nothing pulling them tight in the back.

3. i keep getting this message in my spam "someone has a crush on you". could it be real?
i don't think so. i may receive it everyday, but i also get a lot more about growth and diets. i am trusting my wonderful Google spam box to sort out the fakes from the real deals. so i will never open that e-mail and no one should have a crush on me.. i am a married man!

4. is danny going to be fatter than me this year on vacation?
that is a hard one. danny is known for is chiseled body, but here lately he has been letting himself go. he has put all of himself into his marriage and job. i guess i should strive to be more like danny in his way of life.. not body type.

5. did i push that Q-tip in too far?
i am not sure. my ears are ringing, but i still can't tell if i pushed it in too far. time will tell.. time will tell.

6. will i ever learn to jump when i shoot a half-court shot?
this has been the bane of my basketball career. no matter how hard i practice i can never do it. my feet just have a hard time leaving the ground. so i will never learn to jump when i make the shot.

i guess i should get to work.

got ya!

april fool's on being sorry!

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

to keep from saying "sorry"

i need to start putting a warning on my blogs. i tend to say things without thinking and people get their feelings hurt. it is never my intent to hurt people's feelings. i just write what i think and then later on realize that it could have been taken the wrong way.
when i first left for Bible college my dad wrote in front of my Bible "caution: put brain into gear before operating." i still haven't learned that.
my mouth has always got me into trouble. my wife likes to talk about my one liners i throw out there. the ones that make people wonder what i am talking about. i honestly don't do it on purpose. i am going to try and watch myself from now on.
"i am for gay marriage." is the best one that i throw out there i must say. i have never seen so many people get quiet when i say that. of course i do it at church outings.. ha.. outings... i made a pun.

this reminds me of the time i went to vbs at a catholic church with my neighbor. i was only 10 and i was the only boy there. i was confused by the statue of mary with the snake around her ankle and i wanted to eat the cookie we made into a necklace (i was a fat kid and i loved to eat). during the lesson i must have spelled something wrong or just did something stupid and i said shoot. the nun looked at me and said "we don't say that word. that's a bad word."
i looked at her puzzled. did she really think i said s**t?
"i didn't say a bad word. i said shoot." i exclaimed
"no, i heard what you said. the next time you say that i am going to take your snack time away."
you don't mess with my snack time lady. "i didn't say that."
about that time a girl name trish (who was known for being a liar and i am sure was smoking at the age of 10) spoke up and said "tommy hall, i am going to tell your mom you are cursing at church."
i began to call her a liar, but i stopped myself. what was the point. i had two evil women against me. one was never getting any sex and the other was just pure evil in a little body.
that was the last time i went to catholic vbs. i am not even sure why my mom and dad made me go. they must have been sick of me wanting to play with my he-man action figures in front of the tv while baseball was on.
i hated that vbs. i never got to eat that cookie.