Friday, January 25, 2008

New Year and I am late and lazy

i am not going to give you excuses to why it has been so long that i have blogged. i am not going to try and feel your mind with wild stories of kidnappings and near death experiences. i will just be honest. i have been too lazy to write a blog. to even be more honest.. the only reason i am writing now is because i am being lazy at work. so therefore i am writing a blog.
nothing major has really happened in 2008. i celebrated my year anniversary from leaving the mission. it is hard to believe it has been a year since i left the mission. some days i really miss the place and other days i really don't. it has been a good change in life for me.
next week we are starting a trial and i am dreading it. i have only worked on two trials in the past and they were murder trials. they were rough, but this one deals with something that is worse than murder in my book, but due to my job i am not at the liberty to really talk about this until it comes to court.
i find myself worried and angry. i don't want to judge and i want to show grace, but it is hard. i am finding it is hard to live a "set apart" life outside of the cages of a christian community. when i come in contact with convicts almost everyday and i find myself wondering why God let's them live and then it hits me.. why does he let me live?
i keep on forgetting that my sins are no different from the man who killed his girlfriend. sure, i don't have blood on my hands, but before God i do. if i am to live a life of Christ i need to first learn to love. no matter what! and there is the catch.. no matter what. i need to love the man who blocked my car the other day. i need to love the person who constantly made me feel like i was worthless. i need to love the man who hurts children for his own sexual pleasure.
this blog is kind of a downer.. so please forgive me. i am sitting at my desk with the file for the case that i am dreading to my right and to my left a phone that will not stop ringing to remind me that without crime i would not have a job.
oh well. i can't change life, but i sure can find a way to make it more fun...
i have started working out again. i lost about 35 pounds, but most of that was muscle. so i have decided i need to get the body i have always wanted before my 30th birthday.. i want to have abs! so last night while working out i decided i would do some hand eye stuff to keep my mind sharp. i started juggling. thank you randy townsend! i just didn't have anyone clapping for me when i was doing well and no one booing when i drop them. it was a good way to relax after my workout.
yep.. that is about it. nothing more to say as of now.