Sunday, April 30, 2006

i will never understand

why do i feel as if i must be the one to save everyone? why do i feel the need to make things right? why am i the one who must admit fault just to keep a friendship? why? why? why? i hate that word. i hate that it is always there. i hate the fact that at this moment i don't understand why things happen?
i woke up this morning feeling alone. feeling as if no one could really connect with me (which i know isn't true). then to go through the day fighting this doubt.. to find that a friend has died. suddenly taken away. WHY? why do i make everything about me?
God, what is the meaning of it all? why do You feel so far away? why don't You answer me? why do my friends hurt? why do my insides scream for peace?
i would like to end this blog with some hope, but as of now i find none. i find no comfort in the friendships that i have nor in the word that is laid before me. i want to close my eyes and see nothing. feel nothing.
what a baby i am. what a baby! ahhh. i want to scream. i want to run. i want to make things right..

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

nothing relevant and nothing fun

it has been several weeks since my last update. i am not a very good blogger. one would say that i suck. i could sit here and try to think of something funny to write, but i can't. i could write about my life, but that would be sad. lol. my life has become some what boring. due to a health reason that i will lovingly call, twist, i am not able to go do anything physically active. i know, i know. i should be happy, but in fact i feel somewhat useless. it is also something hard to explain to people.
"why aren't you helping me lift this?" the man says.
"oh, if i do my right nut could turn in such a way that it would explode, and therefore i would never beable to enjoy sex or create a baby." i answer with the biggest smile in the world.
ok.. i admit. this is funny. my nut is a cause to laugh. i am being serious. the fact that my wife laughs everytime something about balls or nuts is brought up is funny.
let me change subject now. let me draw your attention to the fact that i have rediscovered my love for corndogs. a wiener on a stick covered in bread or cornbread.. wow.. i love the man who made these things. they are good with mustard or BQ sauce. i could eat about 10 of these lovely things. the only problem is i would gain all the weight that i have lost back and since i am not able to really workout.. that is dangerous. i would be wearing bedsheets within a week.. and not in the "i just had the best sex ever and i am too lazy to put pants on" way. it would be "my man tits are so large that i think the remote is under it, but i am too lazy to check. so i am stuck watching the view and i am discovering that i am in love with loud undersexed women who talk about their periods way too much. when the truth of the matter is that they have already went through the change, way.
i wonder what life will bring tomorrow? i wonder if i will finally wet the bed because i try to hold it til the last second when i can't wait anymore and the morning wood gets in the way of really peeing good? ahh.. life is wonderful and i am being serious. i love life and life loves me.
i hope this makes you happy jeof. i got on here to give you something to read that will make you smile. do you know why? cause you are cool. yes jeof oyster. you are cool and i thought i would mention you in my blog. lol.. this was for you bro. please don't work too hard. you never know when you might get your nut in a twist.