Friday, November 21, 2008

the first snow....

it is november. it snowed an inch. i discovered this while in my underwear.
it was cold.
it was wet.
my tooth was killing me.

to make a long story short. my bottom wisdom tooth has yet to come in. i am 30 years old. it seems like they should have come through by now... i have already had the top two pulled, but the bottom two have plenty of room to grow (or so the nazi dentist says).

it really hurts when they start pushing through. so when i woke up at 1 this morning with throbbing pain in my mouth, i knew i needed something to end it quickly. the bad thing was that my ambesoll was in the car.

as i was laying in bed i fought with getting up and going to get it. i thought maybe i could just make my mind think about something else... it worked for 10 seconds.
i got up and just ran outside as quickly as i could. my body met the shock of cold and me feet discovered the inch of snow was cruel.

some may ask...

"was it worth it?"

yes and no. after applying a lot of this numbing gel i was able to sleep for 4 more hours.

then at 4 i woke up with the pain screaming in my mouth...

i remembered something my uncle had said years ago.

"whiskey can kill any pain."

i got out of bed and searched for the whiskey i had received for a gift last year.
thankfully i found it buried under some cooking supplies...

i took a big swig and started to swish it... it burned, but to my surprise it killed the pain... my breath was bad, but my mouth felt wonderful.

that is the story of the first snow.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

cold weather and early nights

i have mentioned once before how much i hate the time change.
i have to say it again.


i don't like getting tired by 6 p.m., i don't like it getting dark by 5, i don't like freezing while walking my dog, and i don't like waking up with snow on my car...

now that i got that out of the way... i am going to tell you a story.

saturday night i returned after a long uneventful day in lexington. i was tired, hungry, and was not in the mood to have my dog jump on me and get me muddy... needless to say she didn't care.

as soon as i let her out she jumped up on me. i tried to hold her off, but she kept jumping. somehow she knocked my wedding ring off (since i have lost 30 pounds since i got married the ring doesn't fit as well). i heard it hit the concrete and that was it.

since it was already dark i turned my car lights on and started searching for my ring. about 45 minutes into the search i decided to give up until the morning. my hands were numb and my temper was up... i was not in the mood to keep searching.

that night angie called (she and jasper were in st.louis). i wasn't going to tell her, but i thought it would be better to go ahead and let her know that our evil dog had caused me to lose my wedding ring.

thankfully she didn't get upset, but i could tell she was feeling sorry for me (i had told her that to comfort myself i ate a whole can of tomato soup and a grilled cheese).

after a good nights sleep, i got up to look for the ring again. after 15 minutes of searching i gave up. i was going to be late for work and i didn't want to start my day off in a bad mood.

i fed the dog and was walking towards to the trash can when i noticed my ring. apparently when it hit the concrete it bounced pretty far from where i was standing...

that was my boring story... i know i live a really dull life... not my fault. i blame the town...

Thursday, November 13, 2008

a list of things i need to work on

1. wake up before 7:15.
2. actually pay attention when in a church service.
3. stop making fun of people who try too hard.
4. stop making fun of people who think they are cool.
5. stop making fun of people who actually are cool.
6. stop making fun of people who say "this is true".
7. stop making fun of people who like country music (i don't make fun of my wife... ok i do).
8. stop making fun of people for being stupid.
9. stop making fun of people for being smart.
10. stop making fun of people for who they voted for.
11. check my oil more often.
12. pay attention in court.
13. workout more.
14. help with the laundry.
15. stop speeding (as much).
16. stop blogging at work.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

bad burgers and crazy dreams

i am not sure about the rest of america, but i had the day off yesterday. i honored our vets by staying home and doing nothing important. i spent most of the day laying around with jasper and eating. i felt very patriotic.

since i was home ang was able to go to the grocery store (some may be surprised that she trusts me alone with jasper, but he enjoys watching cartoons with his daddy).

she returned with wonderful food (cap'n crunch with crunch berries) and some that was not so wonderful.

she was trying to be a good wife and find foods that won't upset my tender tummy. yet, i am not sure veggie burgers are the best for that. i decided to try them. so i grilled them for dinner.

while i was grilling satan's burgers, james called to ask me some random questions about a job offer (different story... different blog). during the conversation i was able to get a good smell of the burgers. it wasn't a smell that i enjoyed. it kind of made me think about a nursing home. i mentioned what i was making and his response was "why?" . the more he and i talked about the burgers the more i realized that they were going to be nasty. i couldn't even tell when they were cooked .

i fixed angie's plate of food and apologized to jasper for what he was going to eat in a few hours. after trying to find things to cover the burger to make it taste better, i sat down to partake of the wonderful meal (not to act better than anyone, but angie started eating before we prayed), took a deep breath, opened wide, and took a bite.

it wasn't as bad as my mind had made it, but it wasn't good. i wasn't even able to finish this veggie burger.

now on to the dream:

i have been known to have some crazy dreams, but this one really beats anything else i have ever dreamed. i am somewhat nervous about even admitting this, but what the heck...

it started out with me behind stage and nervous (this happens often in my dreams. i am about to perform and i don't remember what i was going to sing). when the curtains opened i started to dance...

dear God i am a ballerina!

i am wearing the tights and everything. we move into the crowd and kept dancing. everything seemed to be going well. then the instructor looks back at me and asks...

"where's bowser?"

oh my goodness.... i am in mario bros. the ballet..

"you must be bowser!" the instructor screams...


that was the point where i woke up. it was one of the oddest dreams i have ever had.

i believe i will regret this blog.

Monday, November 10, 2008

dog pillow

saturday i bought wondergirl a really nice dog pillow. i worry about her getting cold in this winter like weather.

when i showed ang the nice pillow she told me she would kill the dog if she tore it up. i tried to convince her that wondergirl would never do something like that (even though deep down i know she is an evil dog who likes to destroy anything and everything around her).

saturday night she did well.

sunday morning i walked outside to feed her and the pillow was still intact. i was proud of my dog. she was showing real maturity.

this morning i was running late as usual.

i stepped outside and saw green fluff every where.

i looked in her lot and there she was... covered in green fluff. the nice pillow shredded all around her. i lost my temper and i wanted to spank her, but i couldn't bring myself to beat her.

i hurried and picked up all of her mess and threw it away.

i didn't want ang to see that she was right.

i hate when ang is right. it happens too often. i always seem to be finding myself on the side of wrong. it sucks being there. she always brings it up too... she likes to remind me of my less prideful moments...

Friday, November 07, 2008

to the man in the men's room

dear man in the men's restroom in the courthouse,
i do not know you, nor do i know your face. but i do know your smell.
each day around 11 a.m you bless us with your stench. it fills not only the restroom, but my office. a smell that cannot be described any other way but the smell of death.

please take no offense to what i am saying. you may actually be near death's door, but could you please light a match? i cannot handle the smell much longer. to have people walk into the office and believe it is me who unleashed the apocalypse is never a fun thing.

the worst is when i walk in the restroom while you are in the process of dying. the heavy breathing and grunting can be helped. you could also flush the toilet while you are still in the middle of creating your havoc.

your smell clings to my clothes and nose hairs.

like i said before, i mean no offense... just please bring some matches or find somewhere else to die.

Thursday, November 06, 2008

the end is near

apparently i am going to be forced into adulthood...

DC Comics is cancelling Robin's Comic!!!! i have read this comic since i was in high school... how could this happen. it is the end of my innocence...

first my hair and now this?!

when will i grow up?

as a teenager i believed that i would be a mature adult by the time i reached 25. when i was 25 i assumed that i would act more like an adult when i turned 30.
now that i am 30, i am guessing that by the time i am 40 i will grow up.

the sad thing is that i was also told that once you become a parent you automatically become an adult (this may have been one of the reasons why i was so nervous about becoming a father). boy were they wrong.

i envisioned me getting up at 6 in the morning and making coffee and watching the morning news. i imagined that i would spend my evenings working in the basement on different projects. i was hoping that i would have learned how to work on a car and i would always know what that odd sound was coming from the engine.

it has yet to happen.

i still sleep in on my days off. on a work day i wake up at 7:15 and rush to work. in the evenings i play with jasper and watch cartoons until it is time for me to go to bed. i still spend 20 something (ang says i "waste") dollars on comics. i forget to change the oil in my car and i almost run out of gas at least once a week. i show up to work barely awake and i constantly forget to put things on the docket.

how can i force adulthood on myself? how can i become a more responsible adult.

do i give up comics, cartoons, kool-aid?

or should i just let nature take it's course? will it happen in time?

who knows and honestly... i don't think i care as much as i did when i first started this blog post.

i know one thing.... i have seen too many things in court that makes me thankful that i have this retarded mind.

some nights i come home and can easily push aside the horrible acts that have taken place in this small town.

so... i guess i will become an adult when i die... i just hope they don't find my bloated body with twinkies all around me and super friends blasting on the television.