life can become a show. you know when to move. when to smile. when to have your back to the crowd. when to speak. it flows. it becomes comfortable. it is the way that life is lived by many. i have fallen into this way of living. i have learned to hide who i truely am behind the smiles. behind the words that resonate on the walls that i have built.
i sing a song talking about laying it all at God's feet. i can sing it with such passion that i actually believe i have laid it all down. then the truth comes to me like a whore at night (with a price). i have not really laid it all down. i hold on so tight to everything around me. i scream for help yet i run when it is offered.
grace is something hard for me to understand. i need it and want it. yet i act like i don't feel it. i want to walk free through this life. no more shows. i want to be real and raw. i want to fall and hurt. i want to dance and not care who watches. i want to lay it all down. i do. i must. i just don't know if i can.