Thursday, April 04, 2013

My Last Goodbye

A year ago today was the last time my sister and I had a conversation. I had called during work to check on her at the hospital. She had spent so much time in the sanitary rooms with thin pillows and the noise of nurses walking up and down the halls that I never really worried about her. She always seemed to come out on top. Sent home with tubes hanging out of her, yet smiling and never asking for help.
I never thought that this would be the last "Goodbye" followed by "I love you" I would say to my best friend. Even though she told me the doctor had come in and said she didn't have much time... None of us believed it. Not even her. We just knew that God was going to heal her and make her whole. That we would spend Easter at her house coloring and hunting eggs. Me falling asleep on her couch while I let everyone else worry about the boys.
The next time I would see her she would be unable to speak, but her life filled the room.
Of course it didn't happen the way I had planned, but when does it ever happen that way?
So as I sit here replaying her voicemail and reading her texts I think about how many times I took my days with her for granted. She was my light and strength. Come to find out she was the rock in our family. The one who took care of us all, but sadness isn't the only thing I feel. I feel love and peace knowing she is better off. No more tubes and no more thin pillows.
(This was one of her favorite Pink Floyd songs)...
So as I prepare for the anniversary of her death, I think about the good times and remember her voice. A voice I pray I never forget.