Monday, March 26, 2007

being nude and the bald man

my last blog i talk about my good friend dustin not remembering the present i got him for his birthday. as i look back on that moment, i can easily forgive him for his wealth of plastic turtles with weapons. yet i find myself thinking of all the moments that caused me to make a fool of myself. the moments where i either wanted to cry or curse. when my face would be blood red or the blood would stop flowing (normally due to him choking me for a laugh).

freshman year i was coming to terms with the changes my body was going through. the year before my voice had already changed, but i shed the extra pounds that circled my abs like the rings of saturn. i had also discovered the art to fixing my hair. no longer was i sporting the NKOTB (new kids on the block) look. i also was building up my confidence around the ladies. my first period class was gym (sure i may have been a gym teacher later on life, which was funny in it's self, but i sucked at basketball. i can't jump). b.j. ( my first teen crush) and some other girl that was pretty( but not worth remembering) was sitting on the stage. i was working my magic and the ladies were lovin my smooth talking and my sweet smile... next thing i know my pants fall to my ankles. they laughed and never had i been more thankful for long t-shirts. i turned to see who had caused the moment of victory to slip through my hands. it was dustin. my so called best friend.

time had past and even though more embarrassing moments happened, dustin's and my friendship stayed strong. we weathered the dreaded broken back, the sexual attraction to his girlfriend (i would have never confessed this if he would have told me they were dating. we were friends for crying out loud..why didn't he tell me?). even the campout trips with flying marshmallows and bottles of pee. yet he would strike again and my nude body would be seen by b.j. (this time she screamed).

it was on senior trip (the last real senior trip in the history of lee county high), and we were in chicago. we stayed in a cool hotel with a huge indoor swimming pool. one evening after a fun dip in the pool, i returned to my room. dustin was on his way out as i was removing my wet swimsuit. i told him to not let anyone in since i planned on drying off while watching the television. he agreed and walked out. as i stood there watching friends free as the day i was born, i had no clue what was taking place out side of the room.

you see as dustin walked out he ran into b.j. she was wanting to hang out and talk to me. she asked where i was and dustin told her i was in my room.

"it's open. so walk on in" he says.

as i watch ross and rachel break up for the 2nd time. the door opens and there stands b.j. looking at my nude body. she screams. i scream. she runs off leaving the door open(mind you, the hotel was set up in a way where all of the rooms faced the indoor pool and indoor court yard where many people sat and laughed and ate their dinners). so as i run to shut the door many other people see my glory and compared to others, the lack thereof. at that point in my life i had become very comfortable with my body, but still i was embarrassed.

a week later he convinced me to streak at prom. sure it got some laughs, but my poor sister was never the same when she saw her twin brother running around the schools gym with a smile on his face.

the last day of school i was speaking with my french teacher mrs.ross. she was sweet. she had blue hair. she also looked like she had been carrying a baby for 50 years (mark noe always called it the 50 year old fetus). as i shared that gentle moment with this blue haired woman... i felt a breeze and heard the laugh. dustin had done it again. my shorts were once again down around my ankles. this time it was not b.j. , but mrs.ross. a woman that i could not impress nor win over with my charm.

she just said "dustin" (add french/country accent).

if i were able i would have beat him, but since it took me awhile to pull my shorts up (due to the fact my boxers didn't have the button in the front and we all know quick movements could cause some outing of the willie or mr.woowoo).

so... dustin. i do forgive you for over looking surfs up michelangelo, but can i learn to forgive you for the humiliation that you caused over the years? if i were to write all of these moments down, it would be an epic novel more action packed than LOTR and filled with more twists than m.night moive. someday my bald friend ... you will be exposed.

(this pic proves i am not the only one to poop my pants)

Sunday, March 18, 2007

men will be men and pawl will be....ummm... a bride's maid

there once was a boy named pawl. he enjoyed making fun of a hall. the boy of his jokes, seemed to be favored by all folks and was in many weddings winter and fall. pawl never seemed to worry, but fate would smack him in a flurry and now pawl will stand with a woman in hand, but pawl would be the maid of honor and not a man.

this poem may offend some who love and know pawl, but i have to laugh when i think about him being the man of honor (maid of honor) in his friend's wedding. all of those times he made fun of me for being in weddings or singing in them... it has come back to him 10 fold. you rock that dress and don't forget to fix her train when she goes up to light the unity candle. (this is an actual pic).

Saturday, March 17, 2007

i have found a love for violence

most of you who know me, know that i love comic books. sad but true. if you mention anything to do with comics around me i will start rambling like an idiot about them. i have caused many awkward moments by talking about this deep love for heroes in capes and tights. it was always my escape from the world of worries and the constant pursuit of God's will. i was able to sit in my room or bathroom and read about the adventures of robin the boywonder.

(he has always been my hero. he was a kid that took on big time bad guys, but never let the darkness around him take him over.) comics can actually be very deep if you just read them. the stories are never ending and the good guys always have their failures and weaknesses. one of my favorite robin comics is when he allows a bad guy to die. yet months later he is haunted by the images of this man. telling him that he sent him to hell. something so real about something so fake.

last night i watch 300 for the 2nd time. this movie is based on a comic, but the comic is based on true events. the comic is dark and somewhat poorly drawn, but it still is an awesome comic. the movie is 10x better. i have never been a fan of war movies, but wow. i can't help but be pulled into this story of blood and violence. the comic book nerd in me screams "holy clashing of the titans, batman!" and the manly nature (i know that it is rarely seen) screams "ho ha".

i know that this makes me look like a bigger nerd, but if you were to ever see my office.. you would know i am a bigger nerd than this blog will ever show.

go watch 300.... you will love it. i may go for the 3rd time.. who knows. depends on if i can get my wife to see it or my father in-law. of course next weekend tmnt comes out... i used to be a huge tmnt fan. my friend dustin got me hooked on them in the sixth grade. he always had the cool toys. jerk.... i wonder if he remembers the time i bought him one that he already had...

Monday, March 05, 2007

we were all mad when bush listened in

i have never been one to feel like someone is watching me. nor have i ever had a hard time speaking my mind over the phone, but i should. we have all heard about how W. listened in on our phone conversations. sure it ticked some of us off, but it was for our safety... wasn't it? yet i have felt the pain of the invasion closer to home.
a year ago i spent some time with my brother in-law. we have always been good friends. i could trust him with anything (or so i thought). one night in his basement i opened up to him. sharing a story that had really affected me. as i poured out my heart, my friend, my brother recorded me talking about it. i wasn't too upset cause i thought he was going to erase it. 3 months later at a funeral a older friend walked up to me and said "this is the second time i have heard your voice today."
he went on to tell me how he went to my brother in-law's myspace and heard a song about me with a recording of me talking about pooping my pants attached. i had to hold back the anger that i felt. i forced a smile and just laughed, but inside i could feel the dagger in my back and his cold hairless hands holding it.
for years i have held this bitterness towards him. i have thought of many ways to get him back, but i could never sink to his level of trickery. nor could i take on the role of a two faced christian that has become so prevalent in my life. so instead of telling him how i feel..... i just smile. sure i am putting it on here for all to read, but he will just get a laugh out of this...WON'T YOU DANNY! ?
someday my kid is going to beat up your kid. here is the link to the song "my friend tommy".

Saturday, March 03, 2007


i will give someone $5.oo if they can tell me which set of feet is mine.

Friday, March 02, 2007

Thursday, March 01, 2007


it has come to my attention that some of my "ministry" related blogs have offended. i never set out to hurt some one's feelings. for that i am sorry. it is never fun for one to hear that they have hurt someone. so i say "sorry".
so please tell me.