Wednesday, December 29, 2010

my advice for 2011

daily i am asked for my opinion. people seem to realize that i am full of useful information that can shape and form their lives into a work of art. so i figured i would share a small part of my great mind and insight on life. this will be a small list, but i promise you that it will help you in the new year to come.

1. always turn corduroy inside out to iron them.
2. always follow and apology with a lecture.
3. never buy a veggie tray from save a lot.
4. look around before you make fun of some one's face.
5. avoid friendships that take away from your story telling.
6. read a self help book and give people advice from the book and act like it is your own.
7. write run on sentences often.
8. "friend" people on facebook and then drop them right after they accept.
9. inform people that you are humble while checking yourself out in a mirror.
10. tell people you are dieting while eating large portions of red meat.
11. give parents advice on how to raise their children.
12. washing your face with sugar will remove dead skin.
13. check your zipper often.
14. never laugh at your own jokes.
15. always be negative, but add a colorful phrase at the end of your sentences. for example " i doubt i will live to see my 40's, but boy are the hills a live with the sound of music".
16. watch the sound of music with meat loaf's bat out of hell album playing... the music goes along perfectly with the movie.
17. lie to yourself... you really are good looking.
18. read batman hush.
19. wear underwear.
20. make a video blog.
21. write a pointless blog that has nothing to do with real advice.

Wednesday, December 01, 2010

what annoys me the most about Christmas

i know that i write a lot of blogs about "what annoys me", but it's one of my favorite past times. to sit and think about what gets under my skin makes me all warm and fuzzy inside... so i figured i would write a small list for the holiday season... i mean, Christmas season... sorry my fellow Christians i didn't mean to offend or did i?

i hate shopping this time of year. no one seems to be happy. people fight over stupid things. angie forced me to go with her on black friday to wal-mart. i witnessed women fighting over barbie jeeps and zoozoo pets. i was really afraid that i was going to die.

i always feel like i have to give money to the salvation army walking in and out of the store. i always feel like they are judging me.

i hate when people go crazy over "X-mas"... the X means Christ! not the X-men... though that would be cool... i think beast would make a good wise man and cyclops would be a good shepherd.

i have a hard time writing out a Christmas list. i never can think of anything i really want or need...

bruce springsteen singing Christmas carols.

santa buddy the movie... someone kill that dog.

people who think they have to say "happy holidays" when you say merry Christmas...

honestly... this list is a lot smaller than i thought it would be, but one thing that does bother me about Christmas is how i feel bad for the families who can't afford to get what they want for their kids. i know Christmas isn't about what you get, but try to explain that to a kid who has nothing. we live in america and as americans we make everything about ourselves. so i get really sad when i go out shopping and see families struggling. my soft heart can't take it.


this went downhill fast.

i hate veggie tales nativity sets! it's just wrong!!!