Friday, October 31, 2008

i am sick of politics

i am not a very political person. i have never enjoy talking about politics, nor have i a desire. it has always just seemed very boring and honestly too big of an adult conversation (which greater proves that i am immature. forget the fact that i have comic books in my bathroom and action figures in the basement).

but i do know enough to know when people are just being stupid. for some reason a lot of people think that if you are a christian you are automatically a conservative. so therefore i must be voting for mccain.

i hate that. i hate that people believe eternity hinges on the next president of america (cause Jesus loves the great U.S. more than any other country).

i listened to someone yesterday talking

"i am praying that God's man (mccain) gets into the white house and by some small chance if obama gets in we will know that it is God's judgment on america."

what? have we really gone this off course from what we were called to do? what was it Jesus said??? oh yeah.. love.

such a simple word, but seems like it means nothing to the christian community. i hear more talks about the next president more than helping the family that has lost it all in a fire.

tone change:

a month or two ago i was "blessed" to listen to a man named whitey adkins try to convince me to vote for him. it was an annoying conversation and there was no way he was going to get my vote.

1. he bleaches his hair orange.
2. he likes to talk about himself way too much.
3. he just doesn't seem to be a trust worthy person.

but today all of that changed.

he came into the circuit clerk's office with sausage biscuits for all of us. he didn't talk long thankfully, but he brought us breakfast. food. it was actually good too.

so now i may vote for him. who cares if he introduced himself to me for the 4th time. who cares that he has no history of political experience. who cares that he is hooked on himself.

he brought me breakfast. that is how you get my vote.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

hump day

as a kid this term confused me, but i will not get into that boring story. i would rather tell you about the trials i have faced today. this will shock and awe you. your heart will break and you will find tears welling up in your eyes. you will look to the heavens and ask "why?".

but please don't feel bad for me. for i am human and though these trials may seem large, they are nothing compared to what countless others face across this floating ball we call earth.

it started this morning as i was pulling out of the driveway. i noticed that i had an uncomfortable pain in the lowest part of my back. i couldn't figure out why. as i drove i kept on trying to adjust myself to make the pain/annoyance go away. nothing worked.

here i was wearing a pair of my wedge proof underwear and not getting the satisfaction that was promised to me. each time i would move my foot to the brake, the underwear would move up a little bit more. it was becoming so unbearable.

when i exited my car i looked around quickly to see if anyone was watch.
coast was clear.
i dug them out and took a few steps...
they were back where they didn't belong.

so now i am trying to make it through the day with my underwear in my bum. not much fun...

on a more positive note:
i got a pumpkin pie blizzard from DQ!!!

i had forgotten about my favorite seasonal flavor, but thankfully josh reminded me the other day (i owe you one!).

oh it is pure heaven to partake of such a frozen treat.

the only bad thing is.... i end up getting sick from eating one.

my wife asks "why do you eat those if you know you will get sick?"

"it is worth the 30 minutes on the toilet! trust me... ok?"

so now i am sitting at work. underwear up my crack. pumpkin pie blizzard in my belly. i hope i can make it home before i get sick!

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

begging for money

every where i turn it seems like someone is begging for money. i go to church, some kid asks me to buy a candle off of them. i go to the store and someone is wanting a few dollars to help out the shriners. i go to work and look up from my desk and there is a man wanting to know if i want to buy a homemade cake with a pumpkin drawn on it. 10 bucks for a white 10inch cake! not only is it a small cake... it is for the republican woman's club. what do they need the money for? are they going to send it to mccain? are they going to give it to the needy? i have no clue what they are planning on doing with the funds, but why? why ask a man if he wants a cake that he could make himself (i would like to point out that i do have the ability to cook)?

i know i seem hard hearted towards the needs of the girl scouts and the republican women, but it's not like i make a ton of money and that i enjoy giving it away to ever fundraiser around me. i just always feel guilty if i don't give.

kind of like when i am in church and i know i have already given my tithe, but every time the plate goes by i still put money in it. maybe i was born this way? who knows.

when i used to be with the mission i hated going to churches and asking for money. it just didn't seem right to me. i would talk about living by faith and yet i would ask them to provide for me. where was the faith in that?

please don't get me wrong. i don't think that missionaries don't walk out on faith. it just wasn't me. that maybe one of the big reasons why i don't belong with a mission.

it's always a tough subject to talk about in a church setting anyway. money... it is a bad word. i think i could say the f-word and receive a better reception.

so as i sit here and ramble i pray that i don't have to see another fundraiser today. i don't think my little heart can take it.

on a side note: i ate a sandwich made from white bread today. i haven't done that in a long time. it was a good sandwich, but the bread kept sticking to the roof of my mouth. why is that?

oh white bread. i used to love eating you. making a jelly sandwich and watching he-man. we had some good times, but you have been replaced by wheat bread. much darker. better for me. keeps the ole' colon clean too.

Monday, October 27, 2008

the aftermath

the woolly worm has come and gone.
the city streets are no longer littered with rednecks and bad bluegrass music (i only say bad because i don't like bluegrass music). my friends from old have all returned to their homes and i am left here in beattyville wondering why i didn't buy that homemade ice cream.

i mean, i bought two cones of it, but i should have had at least one more. what would it have hurt? ice cream is good for you... your body has to warm it up to burn it. so you are burning calories as you eat it!

as i drove into town this morning it was like the festival had never even happened.
the streets were clean and all of the vendors were long gone. oh how i am going to miss you woolly worm... maybe some day i will be citizen of the year and i will ride down your parade.

on a different note:

today is the year anniversary of katie's death. there are days i really miss her.
this past weekend would have been a time that we would have spent time with her. she would have been here with her brother and sisters. she would have laughed at the parade with us. she would have met jasper. my father would have smacked her on the back of the head sunday morning in church like always.

it's hard to believe a year has already gone.

i still miss you.

Friday, October 24, 2008

maybe they need to start working on their own

josh, rue, and jasper...
they will be his liberal family (since i am not liberal enough).

Thursday, October 23, 2008

forcing feeding

breakfast: one of the most important meals of the day. a meal that kicks starts your body. a meal that i used to avoid as a teen. a meal that was forced upon me while i was in bible college (sorry josh, i mean propaganda school).

during my stint at southland i suffered many things. preachers who forced their views and twisted scripture to back up their views. students who seemed to believe everything that was force fed to them (sadly i fell into that trap my first year, but was pulled out by a good friend who partied too much. i just find it amazing who God speaks through).i was constantly being reminded that God doesn't like his children going to public schools (plus if you went to prom you were really bad off. i actually remember someone asking me if my parents were christians... they thought it was odd that a godly couple would let their children dance. it's a good thing i didn't tell them i shed all of my clothing to run around the school gym before the prom ended). i was unable to listen to any music with a drum beat. all of these seemed pretty bad, but nothing was as bad as being forced to get up and eat breakfast at 7.

most college students enjoy walking into class barely awake, but not me. i would get up at 6, iron my clothes (if we had wrinkles we could get in trouble), clean my dorm room (we had dorm checks each morning) shower, shave (cut myself every time. that is why i no longer shave), and say a quick prayer that God wouldn't get mad at me for putting cheat notes in my Bible to help me pass my theology test (even though i discovered that some of the answers were never in my Bible, they were just the beliefs of the teacher). i would then run to the dinning hall and wonder if i was going to eat the food put before me.

some days the food was pretty good, but other days it was down right sinful. they would boil eggs and toast some bread. that was it. on a rare occasion i would eat this, but later realize that it had some really bad effects on the body. i would sit in class praying that i wouldn't blow up from the amount of gas building in my bloated belly.

once in awhile i would become brave and skip breakfast. i would wake up at 6 and realize that i am an adult and no one can force me to eat. so i would stay in bed. i would walk into class refreshed and gas free. i would only realize after my class that it was a mistake to think for myself and try to be an adult.

each time i would skip breakfast i would always find a demerit slip in my mailbox. apparently God thought it was a sin to not eat breakfast. so i would ask for his forgiveness and offer up a boiled egg as a burnt offering.

little did i know that skipping breakfast was not the sin... it was over eating that was a sin. i gained over 50 pounds while there at sbi, but no one ever gave me a demerit for being overweight (maybe because most of the staff was overweight)- just for skipping breakfast and not having my shirt tucked in (plus a whole list of other things).

thankfully i have learned to overcome my battle with breakfast and being overweight. i just don't punish myself if i skip it.

now if i could just get over my need to iron everything...

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

wondergirl and jealousy

the day we brought jasper home i walked up to wondergirl to introduce her to the new family member. she whined a little and laid down. as i got closer her tail began to move... she sat up and looked at him... she looked happy, but kept her distance.

this brought joy to my heart. my dog likes my son.

a few days later i took him outside again. she acted the same. she cried when he would make a noise. she would jump up and down when i would walk away from her.

i don't have to worry about her ever trying to eat my baby!

the picture perfect family (i can see the brady bunch dancing in my head..."you got to keep on keep on moving...gotta keep on keep on grooving").

all seemed well with the world.

each day i would greet my dog and she would say hi back (normally a nose to the crotch, but that is how dogs say hi).

but tonight i realized it was all on act on her part. not saying she doesn't love japser, but i think she misses all of the attention (does she not see me trying?
does she not remember all of the times i made her eggs and would take her for long walks?).

she was walking with me to take the trash down the hill. she was jumping and i was talking to her. she would run circles around me and then jump up in front of me.
this was her normal thing to do, but i noticed something in her eyes.

she looked evil.

she looked dangerous.

she looked like she wanted to make sure that there wasn't another bundle of joy to enter her world.

before i had a chance to put the trash can down she jumped. just like matrix style, i saw it all happen in slow motion...

her two front paws moving towards me.

that evil grin on her face.

her two front paws met my two front baby making bank.


the wind left my body. pain took over. the trash can fell. i believe i whispered a curse word or two (sorry mom, but it really hurt).

as i tried to keep my dinner in my stomach i met wondergirl's eyes. she just stood there smiling. she knows she has cut the family tree short. her true colors had shown through.

as i walked back up the hill i watched her out of the corner of my eye. she was acting sweet, but i knew what she was thinking...

"no more babies."

little does she know... i agree...

at least right now.

let me get a few more hours of sleep and we will talk about a second one.

Monday, October 20, 2008

random memories

do you ever have a day where odd memories come back to you for no reason?
you walk into a room and you see a flash from your past that you thought you had forgotten about?

i have been doing this lately. i am not sure if it is due to the lack of sleep or the change in air pressure. what ever the case... it is odd.

the other day i was weed eating around my house and i remembered when my twin sister was holding me down and punching me in the face (she was bigger than me when we were kids)and i got mad and punched her back and broke her glasses. i remember the fear and dread. my mom was not happy when tammy came running in holding her broken glasses. i knew my mom would never notice my bloody nose. and she didn't. glasses were more expensive than the blood pouring out of me.

as i shook this image out of my head i cut a little frog's head off. poor little fellow didn't deserve it. his guts smacked against the side of the house. wondergirl jumped with excitement waiting to devour what was left over. i was just hoping his guts weren't on my clothes.


throughout the day i would remember things from my childhood. some of them good memories and others not so good.

when i was in 8th grade this jerk named steven gross made fun of me on the bus because i only had one armpit hair. it's not my fault that he was 18 years old and a freshman in high school! he would torment me daily.

i loved the day he was kicked off the bus. he had a habit of drinking pop on the bus and mr.chrisman (D-bag from hell) would not allow that. mr.chrisman pulled over and started yelling.

"i know you got a pop mr.gross."

"what the f- are you talking about? i don't have a pop!"

"we go through this everyday. i have had it with you." his redneck high pitched voice would yell.

"what are you going to do about it?" (i imagined mr.chrisman punching him in the face. this would be legal since steven was 18 and pretty much already a grown man).

the fight continued for a few more minutes... than steven was kicked off the bus.

i remember smiling as i watched that greasy haired punk walk off the bus. if i would have been braver i would have flipped him off, but instead i stared straight ahead knowing that he was watching me as the bus pulled away.

i like to think that today we could be friends, but i doubt i will ever cross his path again... unless he comes to court. which seems to happen a lot with me and my former bullies.

they aren't as tough as they used to be.

one who actually tried to pull a karate kid move on me cried in court when they took his license away. i felt sorry for him, but something inside laughed too.

most of my young life i was picked on by a lot of my peers. i was a dorky kid with bad hair and glasses. it wasn't until i sang "please don't go girl" (by new kids)that life started to change for me.

the girl's started to like me because i was able to carry a tune. i became heather comb's boyfriend right after that.

the guy's called me a fag and a lot of my friends made fun of me daily.

i am able to laugh about this now, but back then i really bothered me. i was always afraid of what was going to be said to me walking down the halls.

this story is still brought up often by people who know me well.

recently when new kids started touring again. i was sitting in court when i received a text from a friend i haven't talked to in forever.

"new kids are back together. are you going to join them?"

i was able to laugh. heck, i laugh about it often now.

a lot of the moments of my childhood that i once viewed as rough or hard... are amusing now. i can laugh. i don't hold a grudge against this morons who took pleasure in making fun of me. i just hope they don't point out my faults the next time i see them.

and if they do... i will smile and take it like i always do.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

oh lego's how i thought i knew thee

apathetic today

it could be due to the lack of sleep (riley seems to enjoy waking up at 2 a.m. and 5 a.m.).

maybe the change in the weather? it is starting to get cooler outside and i would rather stay in bed than get up and go to work. something about looking at inmates all day and dealing with people who talk down to you just doesn't seem like that much fun or pleasure.

it could be due to the fact i have not been taking my adderall. i know, i know... what if i start to gain weight because i am off of it, but that is a risk i am willing to take to make some people happy in my life... of course if i get over 180 i am going to get on that magic med again. i think i can handle my random and off the wall thoughts, but becoming overweight... not sure i can stomach that... ha.. stomach.

as i sit here in court writing this, i realize i am apathetic in a lot of my life. i don't care about politics. i don't like either man who has signed up for the job.
i don't care about disco... it is just plan scary.
i don't care about global warming... i don't live close to an iceberg.
i don't care about the stock market... i am too poor to even know what is going on.


i really don't care about this post...

apathy... such a beautiful thing.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

why do i love comics?

i am asked this question a lot. i guess people assume that if you love comics you must be large, live in your parents attic, dress up like star wars characters when a new movie is released, lust after wonder woman, wear superhero underwear, or support a batman tattoo.

yet, i am really a comic book nerd. i have over 2,000 comics, several t-shirts, action figures, and a good collection of comic book dvds... where does this love come from? what caused me to embrace the super heroic life?

as a young child i supported aquaman under roos and watch super friends daily. i remember as a young child laying on my papaw's bed watching batman kick the joker's butt and the wonder twins turn into retard animals and bodies of water.

this was always a huge treat to lay on papaw's bed and watch his television.

normally wrestling was the only thing allowed to be viewed on this square box, but for some reason he allowed this and actually welcomed it.

for 30 minutes i would sit and stare. then once it was over i would go imagine that i was one of those heroes.

as time would go on, i would occasionally buy a comic. normally a batman comic. i was drawn to the dynamic duo. batman was cool, but not as cool as robin.

robin was the young sidekick who could kick the biggest of bad guy's butt. he was always cracking jokes and rarely did he actually say "holy" anything like the 70's show would like you to believe.

my mother purchased me a robin t-shirt (not the shorts thankfully... i was a fat kid and i would fill those things out a little too well and not in the good way)and i would run around acting like i was helping batman stop crime in gotham city.

as i grew older i still kept a love for robin, but i rarely had any comics.

it wasn't until my papaw died that i really started getting into robin. on the way to his funeral my dad picked up a batman comic for me. it was his way of comfort and my way of escape.

as i flipped through the comic i noticed robin had a new costume and was a different character. no long dick grayson, but tim drake.

he was a lot darker and smarter than the first robin. he would use his head to stop crime and not his brute strength (which he didn't have.).

i feel in love with this robin. he was always trying to do the right thing and he actually got his own comic series in the early 90's because be became so popular.

monthly i would travel to richmond to the comic book store to keep up with him. comics had become my way to escape reality (the fact i was a bad student, my sister's cancer, and many insecure traits that i still carry). i would lock myself in my room and read comics for hours. i would draw comics, i would write comics, and i would even put them in my Bible to read during church.

now as an adult i am still spending 30 dollars a month on these books (i try to hide it from ang, but she always finds out) and i never miss an issue.

so i write all of this to say...

i am a comic book nerd. i was born this way. judge me. throw stones...but i am who i am. that is why i love comics.

Friday, October 10, 2008


my wife really wants to go see that new movie fireproof. every time i think about it i want to hide in a bomb shelter.

she thinks i am just being a jerk, but i really have a hard time with christian movies. it's not because they are christian movies, but it is because they are bad.

the acting reminds me of a high school play. the actors think they are doing such a great job because they remember their lines, but in reality they suck. they over act. they say cheesy lines. they get kiss stunt doubles.

so wrong on so many levels.

yet, knowing me i will end up going to see it with her. only because i love her and being a good husband is about sacrifice. i just really hope she forgets about it.

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

welcome to our world

october 5th 2008 at 4:43 my life changed in a way that i was not prepared.
for months i tried to wrap my mind around the fact that soon i was going to be a father. some times i would feel the excitement, but mostly fear and dread.
i knew life was going to never be the same. that i was going to be responsible for a life. i was selfish. i didn't want to give up any of the freedoms that i had. i didn't want to be that person who never left home or did anything without their child.

i felt old.

i felt unprepared.

saturday i was having somewhat of a good day. i ended up mowing my yard (even though i thought that season had already passed). i did a few things around the house and i was all prepared to watch my cartoons for the night while ang went to the woolly worm queen pageant (sounds funny, but you can't help but love those weather telling worms).
before she left she had started leaking some stuff (before some woman gets on here and says it was her water... YOU ARE WRONG! it was not her water... so shut up before you start). she called her doctor and they told her if it kept up to just come on in and they would check her out. her mother talked her into going to the queen thing and so she did.

so while they were gone i prepared like a good boy scout (of course i was never a boy scout. i went to one meeting and found out they actually make you hike and sleep outside... needless to say i enjoyed my soft bed and fat body way too much).i loaded everything into the car. i packed some clothes and ate me a big bowl of fruity pebbles.

2 hours later she returned.

"time to go."

"but batman just started." i said joking... or was i?

her mother joined us on the little journey to the hospital an hour and 30 minutes away.

with each curve it sank in.

"i am going to be a dad soon."

"God are you sure you know what you are doing?"

"what if he is ugly? can i honestly think he is cute if i know he is ugly? cause i have seen ugly and i can't say that those people are cute."

we arrive at the hospital and everything seems to be going well... she is going to have the baby soon. i sit in the room with her and wait. i fall asleep. i wake up... i fall asleep again (now i know most people are wondering how i could sleep at a moment like this... it's easy. i can sleep anywhere and on anything. it's called being lazy!)
i woke up to a nurse.

"time to get up daddy!"

"daddy? first of all lady you are older than me and i am not wearing leather. second, don't call me that. i am not ready to be called daddy." i thought as i smiled and tried to look prepared.

"oh my gosh! is that blood?"

i should have never looked. i came close to passing out, but like the tough man that i am i fought through it... of course i had to sit down for a few minutes, but i was there beside of my lovely swollen wife as she pushed. i would lift her legs to help...trying to avoid looking at what was going on DOWN BELOW.

but something was wrong with the baby. his heart rate kept dropping and he wasn't coming out. was i going to lose him? was he ok? was angie ok (these thoughts were not in my mind until after the baby was born. for some reason i had no clue there was any danger, but angie and her mom knew and i stood there like a retard wondering why everyone was so nervous and uptight.
normally i am overly observant, but i wasn't that night. God's grace...)?

an hour later jasper was born. his cord looked like spirals and cheese noodles. it was gross... i cut it. i didn't pass out, but it was gross...

i went with the nurse to clean him off. he was screaming. i looked down at this purple mess and just talked to him.

"hi jasper... it's daddy."

he stopped crying.

"he knows your voice." the nurse pointed out.

i felt myself get choked up, but i fought it. this kid is ruining my life. how can i have fun with him tagging a long?

they moved us into a room and visitors came in and out all day long. i would hold him for awhile and someone would take him. i was starting to find myself getting attached to him.

it wasn't until they took him away for the night that i realized how much i loved that little guy.

they took him from my arms and i started to cry. not just a few tears, but a fountain.. the kind where you lips shakes when you cry.

"why am i crying?"

then i realized. i love him. i love him more than i love myself. more than i love my selfish dreams and life.

welcome to our world japser (riley thomas). there are going to be things that scare you and hurt you, but daddy will try his hardest to protect you. you also haven't ruined my life. you have made me happy and complete. thank you for proving me wrong. daddy is always going to love you... even when you break one of my action figures, i will still love you, but you better find some crazy glue!

(i know this blog is all over the place and long, but i am going on little sleep. get over it!)

Friday, October 03, 2008

these mountains

there are some days i hate the mountains that surround me. i look at them and think "why do you keep me trapped?", but they never give me a response. so i just sigh and keep on living this life praying for an escape.

i woke up a little late and really wasn't in a hurry to go to work. i walked outside in my shorts and the cold hits me hard. my dog was happy to greet me as always. she sticks her nose right in my crotch to tell me good morning then runs along to do her business.

mr.griffen waves at me as he shakes his head at me... he must be disappointed that i actually have shorts on (some mornings i am only in my underwear).

the sun is slowly coming up over the mountains and it is beautiful, but still i long to see the sun on a city skyline in the early morning while i am waking up with the rest of the world.

i leave that vision laying in the front yard with the rest of the dying things.

i get dressed and take a quick drink of water and out the door i go. my car is warm and inviting. i light a clove and listen to death cab for cutie. the songs words don't sink in. i am driving too fast for these little country roads, but i don't care.

all of the sudden the sun hits me full force. my eyes hurt from the light, but then i notice the mountains. the fog is high and they are gorgeous.

"ask me the question you always ask me."

"why do you have me trapped?"

"you are not trapped. i am keeping you safe."

as i hear these words the singer says "love is watching someone die". i don't know what to think of this. do i have a weird view of freedom? am i being kept safe by these mountains?

i find myself at work. so as i step out on to the empty parking lot i sigh. not a sigh of sadness or feeling trapped, but a sigh of be okay with where i am at.

but that is today.

Thursday, October 02, 2008

huge mistake

i have never enjoyed shaving. i remember the first time i shaved in 8th grade (i really didn't need to, but i was told that if you shave you will start to grow hair and i did... in the form of a redneck mustache), i cut the top part of my lip really bad and i couldn't believe how much blood gushed from that small cut. when my mom asked me what happened i told her a lie.
" i was clipping my nails and somehow the fingernail clippers flipped out of my hands and cut me." i was sure this was going to work. it was a perfect lie and i had been known to hurt myself with those dang clippers in the past.
"ahhhh... well, be careful the next time you clip your nails and please remember to clean the shaving cream out of the sink."
"what? that must have been tammy... she is really getting a hairy upper lip."

as the years went by i started shaving everyday and every time i would cut my chin or my neck. toilet paper never stuck well to my face and i seemed to be a free bleeder.

it is also annoying to shave every morning. nothing wakes you up like a good shave with a dull razor!

once i used me sister's razor. it was the smoothest my face had ever been. but don't tell her i did that.

about 3 years ago i realized that i should go for the 5 o'clock shadow look. it was easy and i just had to use clippers to keep it trimmed nice and short, but on rare retarded moments i would go for a clean shave. i would think too myself-

"maybe i will look younger?"

"maybe i won't cut the side of my face off this time?"

yet every time i was wrong. i would be bleeding all over the place and realizing i have a round head like a snowman.

one would think i would learn over the years to stop shaving, but for some unknown reason i shaved my face monday night. i only cut myself in three places. i still look like a snowman and dang, i have all of these bumps all over my face... and to top it off... my face itches now too.

so no more shaving! do you hear me? no more.... this must end now. who cares if i look older? who cares if my wife can't stand my beard when we kiss? who cares if tiny pieces of toilet paper get stuck in it when i blow my nose? ok... i do care about that one.

i just can't stand the itching...... and putting aftershave on doesn't just burn... it makes the bumps redder.

being a man

i am not one to ever boast of being a manly man.
i have never killed an animal with a gun, knife, or bare hands... i have ran over a few though.
i am not into fishing or sports.
i can't throw a football very well, but i can play baseball. i do have that going for me.
yet even though i don't have all of these manly traits i do try to keep up a manly vibe about myself. i own two guns, several knives (not including my kitchen knives either), i have a bow and a few arrows, big belt buckles, and a lawn mower.
so to the untrained eye, i am a manly man, unless they were with me in the car the other day.
i was driving along, listening to really manly music, loving the cool weather and feeling the breeze on my bald head. i was looking for great spots to kill me some deer and a few wild turkeys when out of no where this beast falls onto my arm. i didn't scream and i didn't wreck, but i did almost pee on myself. it was the biggest grand daddy long legs i had ever seen in my life. how in the heck did it get into my car.
i tried to throw it out, but i just ended up tearing off one of his legs. it started to crawl away from me and i was unable to catch it while driving (i may text while driving, change cds, pick my nose, read, and talk on my cell phone, but i do not catch bugs while driving..that is just stupid).
i watched him the whole way home. he sat on the passenger seat. i wanted him dead, but yet i felt sorry for him as i watch the leg i pulled off move on my lap. so when i returned home i set him free... he was crawling so fast... i imagined him being happy and singing "born free"... it was beautiful... then wonder-girl stepped on him and licked up his remains.
gosh, i love that dog.

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

count down to baby

we have one week to go before jasper's due date. remind you, that he could come at any moment, but we are counting down just to give us an idea of when he could be here.
i have also started to get a little more nervous. it is going to be a huge change in my life and i am a very selfish person. so part of me wishes i had a little longer to wait.
i started writing a book for jasper "leave me on the front porch". a book that he is not going to be able to read until i die. it is a book about my family, past, and future plans. it will be a lot of honest conversations that i know i will not be brave enough to have with him face to face.
i have learned that father's don't always tell their sons everything about themselves. i am sure there is a good reason for that. maybe to protect the son from making the same bad choices. who knows, but when my son stands over my grave, i want him to know everything about his dad. it will be easy for me too... i won't have to answer any of his questions about why i did this or why i didn't do something else.
easy way out i guess...
so, i wait. i wait for him to come into my life and to teach me how to love more than just myself. how to sacrifice my desires to make sure he has everything he needs.
it should be fun and hard, but i hear that it is worth every lost freedom.