Thursday, October 02, 2008

being a man

i am not one to ever boast of being a manly man.
i have never killed an animal with a gun, knife, or bare hands... i have ran over a few though.
i am not into fishing or sports.
i can't throw a football very well, but i can play baseball. i do have that going for me.
yet even though i don't have all of these manly traits i do try to keep up a manly vibe about myself. i own two guns, several knives (not including my kitchen knives either), i have a bow and a few arrows, big belt buckles, and a lawn mower.
so to the untrained eye, i am a manly man, unless they were with me in the car the other day.
i was driving along, listening to really manly music, loving the cool weather and feeling the breeze on my bald head. i was looking for great spots to kill me some deer and a few wild turkeys when out of no where this beast falls onto my arm. i didn't scream and i didn't wreck, but i did almost pee on myself. it was the biggest grand daddy long legs i had ever seen in my life. how in the heck did it get into my car.
i tried to throw it out, but i just ended up tearing off one of his legs. it started to crawl away from me and i was unable to catch it while driving (i may text while driving, change cds, pick my nose, read, and talk on my cell phone, but i do not catch bugs while driving..that is just stupid).
i watched him the whole way home. he sat on the passenger seat. i wanted him dead, but yet i felt sorry for him as i watch the leg i pulled off move on my lap. so when i returned home i set him free... he was crawling so fast... i imagined him being happy and singing "born free"... it was beautiful... then wonder-girl stepped on him and licked up his remains.
gosh, i love that dog.

2 comments:

Priscilla said...

Seriously, I think you were meant to write creative nonfiction! I'll wait for your first book to come out.

Anonymous said...

hahahahahahahahahahaha