Thursday, September 04, 2008

i finally have my drugs

i have gone 10 days without my adderall... it has been horrible.
not only have i not been able to pay attention in court, i have not been able to carry out a normal conversation. i had forgotten what it was like when my mind is unable to focus on one thing for too long.
i would sit at my desk and try to work on 4 things at once and that is never safe. for example: i was working on a contract case last week. i had finished it in record time.
today i received a returned letter from that case. i always have to enter in the returned letter. i typed in the case number. "citation not found" what the heck? i know i worked on this case. i recognize the name. i pull the file and everything looks like it has been done properly. yet the computer is telling me it is not in.
therefore i deduced that i had not entered it into the ky courts system. this was perfect. not only did i realize i had made a huge mistake... my boss will no when the reports are sent out. i also don't think confessing to not having my adderall will help either.
"ummm, emma.. i am not able to function without my ignore all of the mistakes i made in the two weeks i was out of my wonder drug."
"wonder drug? i didn't know you took meds? what are they for?" she asks with a raised brow.
"well, i have adhd, but not really (i always have a hard time admitting my mental problems). it just helps me focus and keeps the weight down. it is actually a beautiful thing. i can go all day without eating and i am able to work without losing my focus when a smelly redneck man asks me to see if he is supposed to be in court."
"so, how long have you been taking this drug?"
"since i started working here."
"ah. should i be worried about this? will you end up going crazy and hurt some convict if you run out?"
"oh no, i am not violent when i am off the adderall... i am a little moody and i space out a lot, but no violence."
"good. could you please return this to QVC for me?"
maybe it wouldn't be so bad to tell her that i am on it. maybe she would ease my work load. i could do less and surf the net more. who knows.

it is getting closer to the birth of jasper. i am getting excited and we almost have his room completed.
i will have to admit at first i was a little nervous and not so excited about the little guy. i like to imagine that i live a life of travel and hang out with a lot of people on the weekend. i didn't want anything to keep me from living how i want to live. yet, the more i prepare for his birth the more i can't wait.
i just hope he likes batman and robin... if not... he is going to hate his room.

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