Sunday, January 08, 2006

pain of trust

i trust almost everyone. heck.. who am i kidding. i trust everyone, but once in awhile i am shown the dangers of trusting. i allowed someone in and they basically screwed me over. the fact that it was a friend hurts worse than anything. to be lied to hurts. to have something stolen from you makes you anger. to be kicked in the balls really makes me sick. but when a friend just takes advantage of me! it really pisses me off. somehow it all comes back to me being too trusting. i have been warned my whole life.. don't trust people. and sometimes i haven't, but it has always hurt me in the end.
i will forgive him and i will try to make things better when i see him. but to know that he lied to me and stole from me.. that will be hard to forget.
in this moment i want to show the true meaning of being a Christian. sure i want to yell at him, but that is not the way to do it.
see, i do the same thing to God. i steal from Him. i lie to Him. i ignore Him, but everytime He takes me back.. sure i feel like crap, but the beauty of forgiveness is overwhelming.
so my goal is to look him in the eye and say it is ok. sure there will be some time before i can completely trust him, but my love for him will not change. money comes and goes, but friends don't. love is the only thing to heal it and it is the only thing i have to give him now.

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