i was unable to sleep. the thoughts of of friends, family, and failures were running through my mind. I questioned God. "why me?" no answer. i don't see why God uses me. i don't understand why He loves me. there are so many other people out there who are better than me. yet here i am.
so now i sit here wondering what is next. do i step out on faith or do i let more of You in? i have to admit that i fear You. i know in letting You in i will be open. nude before the crowd kind of feeling when it's cold. i believe You have something great for me, but what will i have to give up for it?
i walk past my room and see angie sleeping. she is so strong and i feel so weak. i'm blessed to have her in my life. her love is so strong, but what if i hurt her? how will i live?
i go to the bathroom and i see shane's contact stuff. he is so hungry, but what if i can't feed him? he is, what i think , the perfect son. what if i fail him? i would rather die.
i come to rest on the couch. i see the guitar, piano, drum, and violin. i think what if the music i love to sing stopped. how would i praise? i would give up.
then You speak to me. "if you are in My love, how will you hurt her? if you speak My Word how will you fail him? if the music stops your life should praise Me."
at times i feel lost in this world, but in moments like this i know i am found.