Saturday, January 14, 2006

every scar

in my life i have received many wounds. some i have made myself and many from others. i have learned to cover my scars, but as i am learning to open up... i see where i need to show these scars. as i am typing this i am listining to Miles by thrice (awesome band). in the song it has a line that screams to me. " and as long as we live, every scar is a bridge to someone's broken heart."
many wounds, but only one really screams. the one of broken trust and the theft of my innocencs. when i was in Bible college i had no friends. a handful of people actually would speak to me, but they were only to smile. nothing more. i had made a close friend at the church i was attending. he was cool. he loved the Lord and he actually cared about what i thought. as the months went on i trusted him more and more. i would tell him my failures and how i have let down my family in so many ways. how i was in love with this girl from camp. different things that normally i would not talk about.
one night everything changed. turned out he was only my friend for one reason. a reason that would never have crossed my mind. he was only lusting after me.. first off.. me? apparently he never saw me with my shirt or maybe he was hurting and he thought that it could be made better through this.. whatever the case. i lost my trust in people. slowly i am learning to open up again. there is one person in my life that i have let in.. well, actually he called me out on somethings, but it feels good to show the scars. of course sometimes i have been forced to show, but over all.. in the moments where i am a real.. i feel close to God.
this is all screwed up and makes no sense, but it's my freakin blog..

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