morning

oh mae, what has happened to thee?
you pulled me into your everglow
but now your music i don't want to know
you released the morning
and i had such great hope
but giving it away
would be a crime
for this time i must say
thy music doth suck
it's like having a drill in your mouth
or a butt that won't cease burning
leaves me in pain and burning with anger
yet, i will still loveth thee
for my heart you stole
with the everglow

christianity (is nothing original anymore)

"Creator Dismisses Criticisms of the New Program Being Called Sordid, Disturbing
LOS ANGELES, CA --- Fed up with the mainstream media's promoting homosexuality among young children, conservative Christians have come up with their own chidren's cartoon hero: Elijah BiblePants. Gay characters, such as SpongeBob Squarepants, Bob The Builder, and Barney, are always cheerful, never lose their temper, and they encourage children to use their "imagination". Not so Elijah BiblePants! Creator Chad Jackson says Elijah is dour, angry, and "strictly literalist".

Jackson, whose Biblical comic tracts promising eternal damnation can be found in laundrymats and subway cars, says his new cartoon character may somewhat resemble SpongeBob -- but that's only as far as looks are concerned.

"I promise you, there is nothing gay or otherwise filthy about Elijah BiblePants," he said. "Elijah is not happy, and he is not friendly! Because when it's a matter of everlasting Hellfire, you've got nothing to be friendly about."

Elijah BiblePants is inspired by Second Kings 2:23-24. In that passage, the prophet Elijah invokes the Lord and curses a throng of children who have teased him because of his baldness. As a result, a group of enraged bears charges out of the woods, tearing to pieces forty-two of the insolent brats.

The hero of this new Christian cartoon series delivers moving Hellfire and brimstone sermons. He also organizes book burnings and public stonings of homosexuals, adulterers, and heretics.

But mainstream media have shied away from airing the program.

"Elijah BiblePants is a sordid orgy of violence and hatred," one network executive said, pale and visibly shaken. "Certainly not appropriate for kids. Some of the things I saw on that tape ... I don't think I will ever get them out of my head."

Jackson admits that his uncompromising children's cartoon has been a tough sell even among Christian broadcasters.

Said Sherman Marcus, CEO of The JesusChannelNetwork, "When we choose programming for young kids, say, ages 2-11, we look for stuff that is more along the lines of, say, Veggie Tales. You know good, healthy food teaching good, healthy lessons about, say, Christian values. While we do acknowledge that homosexuality is sinful, we don't think that graphic depictions of violence against, say, homosexuals are something that children ought to be exposed to."

Jackson disagrees.

"Yeah, I'm sure Veggie Tales stands a chance of competing with shows like Barney and South Park," he said, smirking." -associatedcontent.com

this is what is wrong with Christianity today. do i need to post the "white man" video again?

R is for Riley or Robin

i ordered riley's costume for Halloween.
i was really excited to find my favorite hero's costume for my favorite son...
i am determined to make my son the great man that i am.

my father-in-law steve, the great teacher

i have learned a lot from my father-in-law.

as a teen he taught me a lot about God and how to work paddle boats.

as a young adult he showed me how to change my oil.

even how to put up with the worst in people.

these things have stuck with me. he has always been a good example...

BUT

one thing he never taught me was how to dress...

thank you steve for everything you did and did not teach me.
(this is not an actual photo of steve, but trust me... he owns the outfit).

a fun fact i have learned from danny

danny: "your haircut looks the best five days after."

that is why i always cut my hair five days before a big event... thank you danny. your wisdom will take me far.

beard no more

a week or two ago i wrote a blog about how i was going to grow a beard... well that lasted a week.

i got beyond the itchy phase.

i got beyond the awkward look of it.

i just wasn't able to get past my wife hating the feel of it. apparently it hurts when you kiss someone with a beard. so, being the good husband that i am, i shaved.
and lets be honest... i looked like a bum with the beard. not the greatest look for an old man like me.

so... i am going to stick to the scruffy look.

things here have been kind of slow. nothing really major to talk about.

sigh... the life of a normal man...

the beard challenge

i have discovered a website all about beards...beards.org.
i must admit at first i was making fun of the success stories, but something clicked... what if a beard made me a richer man?
therefore i am going to grow a beard and become a better man.

weekly i am going to blog about this (i hope to at least).
to be honest the beard is itching me to death, but to become a man, you must endure hard times...

so join me my brothers (and some sisters) and grow a beard with me!


title="Visit beards.org!" alt="Visit beards.org!" width="400" height="80" />

learning to love the town whore

since i was in middle school i have heard, made jokes, and laughed at our town whore. i should have known better. i was always taught to love. to look beyond the outward appearance and see their heart, yet it never stopped me from saying words to make people laugh at her expense.

the town whore ( i will call her freckles) is a short woman who is mentally slow. she is poor and is preyed upon by older men in the community. she is often seen walking the sidewalks with a cigarette in her mouth and wearing a blue jacket with cutoff shorts.

she has had several children (whom were all taken away from her). she is the only woman i have known in our town to be "fixed" by court order.

needles to say, she has seen and felt pain that i will never know.

a few years ago the women at our church were making gifts for people in the community. they were to pick someone and give them the gift. my lovely wife angie has a soft and honest heart. she had also heard the jokes about freckles and decided to giver her gift as an outreach to her.

she wrestled with the notion. always feeling nervous and afraid. it is never easy to approch someone that you don't even know with a gift... let a lone someone who has been the butt of jokes for many years.

this didn't stop ang from reaching out.

that was the first time it hit me.

freckles needs love too.

i made great effort to stop making fun of her. to pray for her.

a few months ago i actually had a conversation with freckles. she had been harassed by a man in town and wanted to know what she could do about it. i told her legal options and went on my way. little did i know that short conversation would cause her to trust me.

every time i see her now she speaks to me. we have a few short sentences and then she is on her way. each time we talk i see a little bit more of her heart and her broken life.

the way she has been used over the years has had to cause many scars and trust issues. to have her children taken and to never truly know them must be pain beyond belief.

once upon a time i would pass by her and laugh. wonder how could anyone love her? how could anyone sleep with her? how could she not know she was the town's joke?
but all of that has changed. now i see a soul in search of love and one that needs to be loved.
i see my heart loving her. loving her the way i was meant to. to look beyond the mess and dirty old men she fills her time with.

it's the way i want to be loved. beyond my failings and faults.

my problem with ms.pac-man

here lately i have been playing a lot of ms.pac-man between court files at work. i have enjoyed mastering the skill of dodging ghosts and eating fruit. though stuck on level 30, i still find joy in playing the game.
but something this morning caught my attention.
between certain levels there is a little title.
they meet.
the chase.
junior (which appears more than once).

this started to sink in.
ms.pac-man supports premarital sex and naming numerous babies the same name.

as i parent i am appalled by the teachings of this video game. what has our world come to?

so from here on out i am no longer going to play ms.pac-man... i am boycotting this evil sexual driven game!

who is with me?

no toys allowed (unless mommy say so)

friday night ang, riley, and i headed to lexington. we figured (i mean... i figured) i would pick up my comics and find a few things for riley.

while in target i thought i would see if i could find riley a table for him to play on. once i entered the toy section he started going crazy. crying really loud. so i handed him a little laptop for babies. he was quiet as he played.
ang and i both know how much he likes to play with my laptop, so i figured i would buy it for him.

i found ang in the food section and showed her my great find. i puffed my chest out with pride and smiled for how well i knew my son's needs.

she told me to put it back.

her reasoning was "we don't need to buy him things he will only play with a few times."

so i took it back.

it broke my heart to know that he would not be leaving with something... so i picked up a little stuffed toy.

she told me to take that back (she claims she is not that bad of a nag...).

our next stop was babies r us.
we found some nice clothes and some cute little shoes.

while ang was looking for some more clothes, i thought i would take him to look at the toys.

yelling, and crying followed...

i tried my hardest to keep him happy, but he wants what he wants.

ang came and offered to take over while i looked at some clothes for him.
the next thing i know i see her walking towards me carrying the same laptop i wanted to get him.

"should we get this for him?"

what?

needless to say... he has a laptop now.

angie admits that it was my idea, but i know now how it works...

mommy has to say it is "ok" before riley can have any fun...

that's ok... i plan on making sure he loves cartoons more than math. that will teach her.

the aftermath

the aftermath

fire in beattyville

jack's iga, rose brothers, and the beattyville enterprise is no more. sad day... it was heart breaking to see the owners and workers watching the fire. my poor little town.
thankfully no one was hurt.

the genius next door

i am in love with this song. i have no clue what it is talking about, but it is awesome.

regina spektor: genius next door

Some said the local lake had been enchanted
Others said it must have been the weather
The neighbors were trying to keep it quiet
But I swear that I could hear the laughter
So they joke, and they nicknamed it "the porridge"
Cause over night that lake had turned as thick as butter

But the local kids would still go swimming, drinking
Saying that to them it doesn't matter

If you just hold in your breath
'Til you come back up in full
Hold in your breath
'Til you've thought it through
You fool

The genius next door was bussing tables
Wiping clean the keptchup bottle labels
Getting high and mumbling German fables
Didn't care as long as he was able
To strip his clothes off by the dumpsters
At night while every one was sleeping
And wade midway into that porridge
Just him and the secret he was keeping

If you just hold in your breath
'Til you come back up in full
Hold in your breath
'Til you thought it through
You foolish child

In the morning the film crews start arriving
With donuts, coffee and reporters
The kids were waking up, hung over
The neighbors were starting up their cars
The garbageman were emptying the dumpsters
Atheists were praying full of sarcasm
And the genius next door was sleeping
Dreaming that the antidote is orgasm

If you just hold in your breath
'Til you come back up in full
Hold in your breath
'Til you thought it through
You foolish child

a new way of life

soon i will be turning 31... ugh... oh how i hate to get older. many of you know i am not a fan of becoming an old man, but i think i have found a way i can stop from feeling my age.

this past weekend i realized how much weight i have actually gained (i am not going to say the amount). i am no where near the heaviest weight i have been in the past, but i am on a fast track there.

i believe it all started when i stopped taking adderall (thanks james!). my body no longer had the artificial speed to keep the weight down. sure i am a lot happier of a person and i am not getting moody after 10 p.m. ,but i miss being skinnier. sure i still fit into my 33 size pants, but i can feel them getting tighter everyday.

so this morning i started my new weight loss plan...
i am going to vomit and take laxatives.

not really.

i am just eating better and working out a lot more.

that is how i plan to feel younger. i want to be able to take my shirt off when i mow. i want to be able to wear my superhero t-shirts without my belly button eating the shirt. i want to sit down and not feel my man boobs resting on my gut (ok.. that hasn't happened yet, but trust me it is coming!).

so i figured i may start blogging about my progress... may even put a few pics up... ehh.. better not.

just push the knife deeper...

it is no secret that i am a comic book nerd. i enjoy watching cartoons... who cares?
while surfing the net at work i discovered a quote from one of the creators of my favorite cartoon "batman: brave and the bold".

James Taylor quipped "Batman goes further than 1989." He also described the show as being intended for "Nerd dads and their kids."

nerd dads? oh how that hurts.

i guess i will still watch the show, but i will be pumping iron and punching bunnies while watching it!

nerd... phhhh...please... would a nerd leave a comic book out of it's protective cover? i think not!

"i am somebody"

i have said this a few times, " i miss working at camp", but last night really made me miss it.
this is the last week of camp and to top it all off it is sunshine camp (mental and physically handicap). my favorite camp. it can be hard and trying, but there is nothing better than taking care of someone else who loves you without any thought.
the campers believe like Jesus told us to believe - child like faith.
they are so honest and they really do care about the people around them.

i miss seeing and feeling that.

thankfully angie is playing the piano for chapel and i tag along. i get to sit in chapel and listen to them sing "i'll fly away" and the "butterfly song". they clap and dance (something that i have never felt free enough to do) as the music fills the air.

i sat there taking it all in. then they started singing a new song.

"i am somebody, because God loves me, i am accepted just the way that i am."

not to get mushy, but i almost started to cry. it was beautiful. most of them couldn't even sing it, but it still sounded so perfect.

too many times we forget that we are accepted just the way we are. we try to form ourselves into something we will never be.

there was a time that i did this. i tried my hardest to be the perfect little christian solider. i packed my Bible under my armpit (which i doubt God liked too much), i listened to only christian music, and i learned to put down other people around me. for some reason i thought that is how God wanted me to act, but i was way off.

last night i think i realized that i am the handicapped person.

google finaly gets it

DC comics is way better than marvel...

not a fan

a few weeks ago someone asked me why i was not a fan of southland.
hmmm...
so today why i was going through some old posts, i discovered something that reminded me why i need to learn to let go of childish things... so i am going to re post something from 2006.

7 years ago i finished my college. college life was hard. not cause of the work, but because of the school i attended. it was a very legalistic school. i was not a model student of southland. i listened to christian music with a drum beat. i went to a public high school. i went to dances. i didn't part my hair. i also loved sinners. i made it through, but there were a lot of emotional scars left. it took years for me to even go back there to visit. i would never tell someone to look at the school, but it did have a special place in my heart.
yesterday the school sent out a news letter. it talked about the former students who have went on to server God in the ministry. there were a lot of names. ones that i had went to school with. there were even some of my co-workers. yet i didn't see my name. i am in the full time ministry. it didn't really bother me at first, but the more people talked it hurt.
i saw one of my teachers at a funeral (odd place to see them). a friend brought up the article. the teacher looked at me and said "oh please, did you really think that they would put you on that list? "
i was shocked.
"think of your attitude."
my attitude? is free thinking a sin?
i couldn't believe this. i was cut from the list because i did not buy into the fake salvation that they teach. i didn't believe their truths. the laws that they believed would make them stronger.
i am hurt, but i am free. one way i believe to truly become free would be to burn this bridge. i have no need for this college nor the people there. i just pray that i never become the christian to cause pain.

i can see how my words could hurt the people i speak about. i believe that God wants me to continue letting go of the past, but remember His will is more important than a person grading me on how i dress or putting me in a newsletter.

i think that is the problem with ministry some times. we try too hard to please the people around us and not God.

bosco and bloody pavement

about six months ago i rescued a dog from the courthouse steps. he was a cute little mutt. he was only a puppy (his boys hadn't dropped yet) and was very happy to please his new found friend.
after the death of wondergirl i never thought i would have another dog, but bosco soon found a place in my heart. he is an overly friendly puppy and stays close to home (unless the neighbor's dog cookie comes over to lure him to the other side of the hill). so i was surprised when i received a phone call from my neighbor at the end of the road telling me she heard a gun shot and a dog scream.
angie and i first figured it was some other dog. bosco doesn't bark or growl at anyone. not even at other dogs. so why would anyone shoot him? i stepped outside to see if my neighbor's fears were correct. i looked down and saw bosco slowly walking towards me. his little body was in pain. he was whimpering and i could smell the blood. i reached down and he just fell into my arms. part of me wanted to find the person who shot him, but i knew the most important thing was to stay by his side.
i washed his wounds and bandaged him as good as i could. he just laid there. i was afraid i was going to lose another pet, but thankfully it only broke the skin (in several places. bird shot. ugh)and the vet gave him some pain killers and antibiotics.
now i find myself spending a little more time with bosco in the evenings. rubbing his belly and trying to warn him about stupid people with guns.
the only problem is, now i want to find the idiot who shot him. i have a few guesses to who this person or people could be (with their tobacco filled cheeks), but i feel like i should just let it go. what would i do if i caught them? give them a stern talking to? make them apologize to bosco?
i just hope they realize that my family no longer feels safe walking on our road at night.

"a must read blog"

"a must read blog for all of the dorks out there!" -Tyler Phillips
"my husband wears women's clothing, but dang he loves this blog." -Donna Phillips

(the last wedding i will have to perform this summer).