Wednesday, July 22, 2009

not a fan

a few weeks ago someone asked me why i was not a fan of southland.
so today why i was going through some old posts, i discovered something that reminded me why i need to learn to let go of childish things... so i am going to re post something from 2006.

7 years ago i finished my college. college life was hard. not cause of the work, but because of the school i attended. it was a very legalistic school. i was not a model student of southland. i listened to christian music with a drum beat. i went to a public high school. i went to dances. i didn't part my hair. i also loved sinners. i made it through, but there were a lot of emotional scars left. it took years for me to even go back there to visit. i would never tell someone to look at the school, but it did have a special place in my heart.
yesterday the school sent out a news letter. it talked about the former students who have went on to server God in the ministry. there were a lot of names. ones that i had went to school with. there were even some of my co-workers. yet i didn't see my name. i am in the full time ministry. it didn't really bother me at first, but the more people talked it hurt.
i saw one of my teachers at a funeral (odd place to see them). a friend brought up the article. the teacher looked at me and said "oh please, did you really think that they would put you on that list? "
i was shocked.
"think of your attitude."
my attitude? is free thinking a sin?
i couldn't believe this. i was cut from the list because i did not buy into the fake salvation that they teach. i didn't believe their truths. the laws that they believed would make them stronger.
i am hurt, but i am free. one way i believe to truly become free would be to burn this bridge. i have no need for this college nor the people there. i just pray that i never become the christian to cause pain.

i can see how my words could hurt the people i speak about. i believe that God wants me to continue letting go of the past, but remember His will is more important than a person grading me on how i dress or putting me in a newsletter.

i think that is the problem with ministry some times. we try too hard to please the people around us and not God.

1 comment:

SRoSeNcRaNs said...

public school, how dare you? and putting gel in your hair so it doesn't have the distinct part of the duggar boys? how on earth can you call yourself a man of the Lord?
somehow i missed these guidelines in presbyterian bible/sunday school....maybe it was because we were playing whiffle ball in the basement or doing bible verse lookups for silver dollars. we need to talk about our different memories of religion....:o).

"If the Son makes you free, then you shall be free indeed." -John 8:36
(i'm kinda shocked at myself for quoting scripture...)