Sanity

the sound of sanity
never sounded so soft
what i thought was my mind
i've really lost

letting go used to sound fun. i thought it would be nice to be open. i thought i would finally feel free to be me. i've said the prayer and i've taken my time. God asked me to move out, but yet here i still sit. i tell teens to let go and let God have complete control. "He can free you." i've even got the convincing look on my face. i sing the songs. i show my desire to be free and real. yet when i sit in my car.. i cry.. i am afraid i'll give in. i'm not worried about my struggles or sins. i'm worried that no one is really my friend. the kid who was felt sorry for. i cling to people like they are my only hope, but to only have my fingers broken so i will let go.
i dream of a day when i can walk tall. to breathe in the air and fill the burn like a winters day run. this is what it feels like to breathe God. this is what it is to be a live. i want God to have all of me. i want to be willing to lay it all down at His feet. if my life dies in this journey, amen. but i will be damned to live like this again..