Wednesday, December 29, 2010

my advice for 2011

daily i am asked for my opinion. people seem to realize that i am full of useful information that can shape and form their lives into a work of art. so i figured i would share a small part of my great mind and insight on life. this will be a small list, but i promise you that it will help you in the new year to come.

1. always turn corduroy inside out to iron them.
2. always follow and apology with a lecture.
3. never buy a veggie tray from save a lot.
4. look around before you make fun of some one's face.
5. avoid friendships that take away from your story telling.
6. read a self help book and give people advice from the book and act like it is your own.
7. write run on sentences often.
8. "friend" people on facebook and then drop them right after they accept.
9. inform people that you are humble while checking yourself out in a mirror.
10. tell people you are dieting while eating large portions of red meat.
11. give parents advice on how to raise their children.
12. washing your face with sugar will remove dead skin.
13. check your zipper often.
14. never laugh at your own jokes.
15. always be negative, but add a colorful phrase at the end of your sentences. for example " i doubt i will live to see my 40's, but boy are the hills a live with the sound of music".
16. watch the sound of music with meat loaf's bat out of hell album playing... the music goes along perfectly with the movie.
17. lie to yourself... you really are good looking.
18. read batman hush.
19. wear underwear.
20. make a video blog.
21. write a pointless blog that has nothing to do with real advice.


Tony York said...

My face is really sticky and I am all out of sugar, what now?

Dustin said...

Truthfully, I have to do #13 all the time.

Tommy said...

lent will solve that for you.