Sunday, April 30, 2006

i will never understand

why do i feel as if i must be the one to save everyone? why do i feel the need to make things right? why am i the one who must admit fault just to keep a friendship? why? why? why? i hate that word. i hate that it is always there. i hate the fact that at this moment i don't understand why things happen?
i woke up this morning feeling alone. feeling as if no one could really connect with me (which i know isn't true). then to go through the day fighting this doubt.. to find that a friend has died. suddenly taken away. WHY? why do i make everything about me?
God, what is the meaning of it all? why do You feel so far away? why don't You answer me? why do my friends hurt? why do my insides scream for peace?
i would like to end this blog with some hope, but as of now i find none. i find no comfort in the friendships that i have nor in the word that is laid before me. i want to close my eyes and see nothing. feel nothing.
what a baby i am. what a baby! ahhh. i want to scream. i want to run. i want to make things right..

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