these mountains

there are some days i hate the mountains that surround me. i look at them and think "why do you keep me trapped?", but they never give me a response. so i just sigh and keep on living this life praying for an escape.

i woke up a little late and really wasn't in a hurry to go to work. i walked outside in my shorts and the cold hits me hard. my dog was happy to greet me as always. she sticks her nose right in my crotch to tell me good morning then runs along to do her business.

mr.griffen waves at me as he shakes his head at me... he must be disappointed that i actually have shorts on (some mornings i am only in my underwear).

the sun is slowly coming up over the mountains and it is beautiful, but still i long to see the sun on a city skyline in the early morning while i am waking up with the rest of the world.

i leave that vision laying in the front yard with the rest of the dying things.

i get dressed and take a quick drink of water and out the door i go. my car is warm and inviting. i light a clove and listen to death cab for cutie. the songs words don't sink in. i am driving too fast for these little country roads, but i don't care.

all of the sudden the sun hits me full force. my eyes hurt from the light, but then i notice the mountains. the fog is high and they are gorgeous.

"ask me the question you always ask me."

"why do you have me trapped?"

"you are not trapped. i am keeping you safe."

as i hear these words the singer says "love is watching someone die". i don't know what to think of this. do i have a weird view of freedom? am i being kept safe by these mountains?

i find myself at work. so as i step out on to the empty parking lot i sigh. not a sigh of sadness or feeling trapped, but a sigh of be okay with where i am at.

but that is today.