Time to Return

I think it is time to bring this blog back.

A Time to Mourn

A month ago my older sister Cherie passed. I have wrestled with what I would say. I haven't done a post in so long, but I wanted to write something to describe how huge of a hole this has created in my heart.
But I cannot find those words. I have hardly mourned her death. Not because my heart is cold. I just don't know how.
Recently my niece (Cherie's only daughter) wrote in a few breif words my sister's life. So I am sharing her words. I hope to mourn, but at the same time I hope to be thankful for the life my sister has lived.

STRENGTH
By Jacquelyn Judd

The disease of cancer is a very stressful and painful disease. When I was eight my mom was diagnosed with stage two breast cancer, it eventually progressed to stage three then progressed on to stage four. When most people are diagnosed with any form of cancer they are discouraged and some people even give up. But not my mom, I mean of course she was upset, but she was a very courageous and faithful person. She was always smiling.

When she was 13 she had a very rare type of smooth muscle cancer in her small intestines and a very small part of her liver. They took out 1 foot of her small intestines and they removed a piece of her liver the size of the tip of an ink pin. This rare type of smooth muscle cancer is called lyomyosarcoma. She went through several months of treatment and the cancer went away. Cancer did not reappear in her body system until she was 29 when she was diagnosed with breast cancer.

 When my mom was diagnosed with cancer, my family didn’t want to tell me because my great grandmother had just passed away from breast cancer. I eventually found out when I overheard my grandmother on the phone with her sister. My mom had a special way about her. Even though she was sick she never let anyone know how sick she was. My mom went through a series of treatments throughout that year.

My mom fought cancer on and off for eight years. When I say on and off I mean it came back over the course of eight years, in multiple places. Those places were her breasts, bones, one lung, her brain, and in her liver. In the summer of 2011 they took out half of her liver and three days before Christmas in 2011 they found lesions on her brain.

On April 6, 2012 at 2:15 a.m. my mom passed away. My mom has always been and always will be my role model. She was strong, caring, forgiving, kind and very faithful and close in her walk with God. I am the person I am today because of her. My mom ALWAYS had a smile on her face. She touched so many lives in her life time and she had an amazing testimony. I really hope I can be just like her one day. She was the best mom a daughter could ask for.

My mom was an inspiration in many ways that I can’t even begin to explain. She is my angel and my strength. I know that she wouldn’t want me to be sad because she is gone, but it is hard not to cry when you lose such a wonderful person in your life. My mom will never be forgotten by many people, especially me.  When I get upset I just remember that this world is only a temporary home and that she is not gone forever I will see her again. I know that for a fact.

my only enemy in life...kind of

growing older, the new 52, and ramblings

I admit, it has been way too long since I have posted on my blog, but come on... I have a 2-year old (who will be 3 soon), a 3 month old, and I am far to lazy to put effort in to anything else.
BUT..... since Facebook has been blocked and I have caught up on all my work, I figured I would write a blog...
GROWING OLDER
Recently I turned 33. My first thought... Jesus was 33 when He started His ministry... Was He 33 when they killed Him?
Other than that nothing really changed. I am still the same person I was back in 8th grade (though I can grow a mean beard).
NEW 52
DC Comics has changed all of their heroes. That took place today. sigh... It really makes me sad. I grew up Robin/Red Robin/Tim Drake... His story has been changed. Heroes are darker. Past stories no longer seem to matter. Wonder Woman wears pants and then she doesn't. Just seems to odd and to be honest, I think I have finally given up comics.
I know that sounds stupid. To be upset over something like that, but I am a comic book nerd.
RAMBLINGS
I have also struggled with the importance (or the lack thereof) of using the King James Version of the Bible. It is an outdated belief that God came down for the second time and breathed that Bible in to "being", but I am pretty sure if that was the case, then He is still doing it today. So why not use an updated translation? We have people who never went to church showing up and they seem confused by the weird language that is spoken only on Sunday. To be honest, I am confused as well.
I know most will think this is disrespectful to those who like the KJV, but it is not meant to be. Sure it maybe your preference, but how does it help someone who has never grown up in church?
When it comes to my thoughts on church, I kind of weird people out. I wish we could go back to the time when we just met at people's homes. That we didn't have to have a meeting to discuss everything. That we could sing whatever song we wanted and disagree with people and still be friends afterwards.
I think we complicate things too much. Maybe I do?
One thing stays the same... In all of the changes of age, comics, and church... I still feel there is and will always be an importance to love people more than I love my own theology...

NASCAR Prayer

you just got to love people in Nashville...
" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0E8EYTyACQk"

Pastor Joe Nelms: "Heavenly father, we thank you tonight for all your blessings you sent and all things give thanks. So we want to thank you tonight for these mighty machines that you brought before us. Thank you for the Dodges and the Toyotas. Thank you for the Fords. And most of all we thank you for Roush and Yates partnering to give us the power that we see before us tonight. Thank you for GM performance technology and RO7 engines. Thank you for Sunoco racing fuel and Goodyear tires that bring performance and power to the track. Lord, I want to thank you for my smoking' hot wife tonight, Lisa. And my two children, Eli and Emma or as we like to call 'em, the little Es. Lord, I pray you bless the drivers and use them tonight. May they put on a performance worthy of this great track. In Jesus name, boogity boogity boogity, Amen."

end of an era

i believe i am giving up comics. it's not because i have matured and no, my wife isn't making me give it up. Jim the destroyer Lee is (seems like he would remember how bad his own comics failed).

re-writing history to make sales. changing DC Comics to look more like Marvel Comics.

i know it shouldn't bother me, but it does. i don't like to see the heroes of my childhood changed to be more darker and less about helping people.

(i found this picture last night when i was reading an old comic... i think this was prophecy.)

Bruce Wayne for President

i hardly ever watch the news, but i know there have already been people throwing out their opinion who they think the next president should be... so i figure i would throw out my opinion. i know it won't count... kind of like my vote.

NO!!! why do they do this to me?

Flashpoint is changing everything... it feels like May 21st all over again... DC is changing all of my comics... http://www.bleedingcool.com/2011/05/31/jim-lee-i-wont-fk-this-up-plus-your-handy-dc-comics-reboot-roundup/

why oh why?

welcome to our world

Grant Steven Hall...

getting ready for grant

got the paintings for grant's room finished!!!

now if grant would just get here.

loving the elephant in the room

3 times i have tried to write a blog about injustice, my anger, and the need to learn to love those i really wish were not part of my life...
during the many attempts to write my thoughts and feelings i discovered that my anger showed through too much.
that i have allowed people's actions control my life.
i know i need to forgive.
i know i need to love.
but it is never that easy.
i would like to say that after the 70th time i prayed that God took this feeling away, but He has not. i realize now i have to put more effort into it.
but i still have this nagging voice inside my head.
"is it right to just ignore the injustice that is still taking place?"
i don't think so, but until i learn to control the anger inside me... i don't think it would be right for me to confront the issue.
learning to love is a hard process. it's even harder when it is people you really want to hate.
and honestly... deep down i just wish i could tell a few people off.

how do you deal with injustice? turn a blind eye? do you say "it's not my place"?

never trust a thumbs up

DC comics easter basket

i know easter has nothing to do with a basket or a bunny.

it has nothing to do with candy, toys, and easter egg hunts...

trust me, i really do know this, but on easter day you may wonder....

but.....i honestly look forward to having an excuse to buy riley some super hero stuff. ang is really good with watching our money flow and i am really good at making sure it is flowing out of my wallet ( we make a great team)... i still think easter is a valid excuse to buy some toys for my boy.

so i have been working on an easter basket of DC comics super hero toys and movies. nothing expensive, but fun and exciting.

the only problem is most super hero toys are expensive. it seems that everything is considered a collectible. therefore the price is way up.... so what is a geek dad to do?

got any ideas? yeah, me either... so i am going to venture out one day this week and just hunt for a few items and small things to fill the easter eggs.

it's his last easter as an only child... i feel like that is also a good excuse to go a little over board.

besides, i need a few super heroes to act out the "battle for metropolis" infinite crisis in the easter basket.

monthly advice

i realized that i am full of useful information.. so once a month i am going to give my advice.

never work for a board...
1. they are out of touch with the job you are performing.
2. they will have new ways to do things, but little knowledge of how to do it.
3. they have never been in your situation.
4. will never take blame when their ideas fail. it's because you didn't do it properly.

i give this advice because a friend of mine came to me talking about their problems at work. i used to work under a board and i also serve on a board... so i know it's never as it seems.

aquaman is actually kind of cool

aquaman is not as lame as you may think...
but i may be.

i have been slow with blogging the past couple of months and i really have nothing exciting to write about. since i have become a father i live a fairly normal life. routine days i crave. throw anything out of the ordinary at me and i may get a little overwhelmed... or just a little whelmed (robin from young justice).

but that does not mean my thoughts are routine. i find myself thinking about the most random things.

as i sit here and write this i am thinking about my Bible college days. like the time i urinated in a guys tackle box because he set off a stink bomb in my closet. how some of us would "sneak" and watch buffy the vampire slayer after Bible study or the times i would sit on top of this hill and pray for understanding. it always bothered me that i never felt like i fit in with the rest of the students.

insecurity is a large part of my thought process.

i am insecure about a lot of things, but i know i am secure in my comic book knowledge. which i should be ashamed of. how many grown men in their 30's look forward to cartoons on friday night? wait- let me rephrase that. how many married men that don't live in their parents basement look forward to cartoons on friday?

i am behind on my chuck and fringe, but i never miss an episode of young justice, batman: the brave and the bold, and star wars the clone wars.

i am pretty sure my parents thought i would grow out of this, but now that i have a son and another on the way, i don't believe i will. i have been damned to a life of nerdy comic book ways... and honestly i think i am okay with it.

sure, it makes me have hardly anything in common with anyone else around me.

there was a time that i wished i was like everyone around me. to be a hunter and a nascar fan... middle school would have been a lot easier on me, but i don't think a gun rack would look good in my focus, but i did have a mullet.

i also thought by the time i reached 25 i would have being a Christian down pat. i would have learned to love people and forgive the people who have wronged me in the past. Wrong... if anything i have learned to hold on to my anger towards certain ones.

a few weekends ago i saw a person that had really made life difficult for me when i worked with a mission. he smiled and spoke to me. i just smiled and kept walking. i could barely force myself to look in his direction. then i go to youth group and talk to them about loving the unlovable... wow... have i really turned into one of those... do as i say, not as i do type of person?

yes sir, i have.

what am i doing to change it... hmmm... i guess i should pray about that.

i am also battling the desire to order more toys for riley.

one day i will complain about all of the toys in our house and the next i will go out and get him more. i am training my child to be a brat i think. ugh... i may not give him mountain dew in his toddler cup, but i am sure teaching him that he can get what ever he wants... forget the needs...

i feel like i just poured my heart out into my diary... now i feel less of a man...

okay, i just killed an ant... now i am a man.

aquaman is actually a cool character... don't judge him because he talks to fish... he is also super strong and can use his telepathy powers to make you have a heart attack.

i need to hurry up and plant my bamboo...

how bout a dream

he gives me a reason to smile everyday.

my advice for 2011

daily i am asked for my opinion. people seem to realize that i am full of useful information that can shape and form their lives into a work of art. so i figured i would share a small part of my great mind and insight on life. this will be a small list, but i promise you that it will help you in the new year to come.

1. always turn corduroy inside out to iron them.
2. always follow and apology with a lecture.
3. never buy a veggie tray from save a lot.
4. look around before you make fun of some one's face.
5. avoid friendships that take away from your story telling.
6. read a self help book and give people advice from the book and act like it is your own.
7. write run on sentences often.
8. "friend" people on facebook and then drop them right after they accept.
9. inform people that you are humble while checking yourself out in a mirror.
10. tell people you are dieting while eating large portions of red meat.
11. give parents advice on how to raise their children.
12. washing your face with sugar will remove dead skin.
13. check your zipper often.
14. never laugh at your own jokes.
15. always be negative, but add a colorful phrase at the end of your sentences. for example " i doubt i will live to see my 40's, but boy are the hills a live with the sound of music".
16. watch the sound of music with meat loaf's bat out of hell album playing... the music goes along perfectly with the movie.
17. lie to yourself... you really are good looking.
18. read batman hush.
19. wear underwear.
20. make a video blog.
21. write a pointless blog that has nothing to do with real advice.

what annoys me the most about Christmas

i know that i write a lot of blogs about "what annoys me", but it's one of my favorite past times. to sit and think about what gets under my skin makes me all warm and fuzzy inside... so i figured i would write a small list for the holiday season... i mean, Christmas season... sorry my fellow Christians i didn't mean to offend or did i?

i hate shopping this time of year. no one seems to be happy. people fight over stupid things. angie forced me to go with her on black friday to wal-mart. i witnessed women fighting over barbie jeeps and zoozoo pets. i was really afraid that i was going to die.

i always feel like i have to give money to the salvation army walking in and out of the store. i always feel like they are judging me.

i hate when people go crazy over "X-mas"... the X means Christ! not the X-men... though that would be cool... i think beast would make a good wise man and cyclops would be a good shepherd.

i have a hard time writing out a Christmas list. i never can think of anything i really want or need...

bruce springsteen singing Christmas carols.

santa buddy the movie... someone kill that dog.

people who think they have to say "happy holidays" when you say merry Christmas...

honestly... this list is a lot smaller than i thought it would be, but one thing that does bother me about Christmas is how i feel bad for the families who can't afford to get what they want for their kids. i know Christmas isn't about what you get, but try to explain that to a kid who has nothing. we live in america and as americans we make everything about ourselves. so i get really sad when i go out shopping and see families struggling. my soft heart can't take it.

sigh...

this went downhill fast.

i hate veggie tales nativity sets! it's just wrong!!!

legalism

i have never been one to keep my thoughts to myself about my feelings towards legalism.

it makes me angry.

it makes me sad.

it makes me laugh.

the problem with legalism is so much more then a list of rules. it is a person trying to earn or prove their faith.

there was a point in my life that i would look at someone and judge them by how they looked. i thought i had the gift of telling who was a christian by the shoes they wore and the Bible they carried.
wrong....

legalism made me feel holier than i really was. it was like a check list of how to be holy.

shirt nicely pressed. check

shirt tucked in. check

hair parted to the right (never the left). check

face shaved and smooth. check

KJV Bible under my armpit. check

chin slightly raised. check

i honestly thought this made me a better christian. that my outward appearance was what God looked at before He looked at my soul, but i was so far from the truth. i worked so hard to please the ones around me that i forgot that God could careless about my outward appearance. that my perfect hair and pressed shirt meant nothing.

i have moved beyond that point in my life. i now know that God cares more about my heart and love towards others.

yet, i still fight legalism. i have hate in my heart towards those who push it. i find myself wanting to take a cardboard sign and march around certain places proclaiming legalism is from hell.

i feel it would be a just battle, but the more i learn about God, the more i realize it isn't my battle.

that the bitter feelings towards former "teachers and preachers" is just as bad as their need for rules and order.

i will never like legalism, but i must learn to love (just vomited in my mouth a little) the ones who force it. this will be a struggle. to look beyond the outward and see their heart. to see that they are worth it.

how will they know the truth unless someone tells them?

and when i say "tell", i don't mean through negative avenues.

two years with my little man

i find it hard to believe it has been two years since riley entered my life.

i have already forgot the feeling of dread the day i found out angie was pregnant. i know, i know... such a horrible thing to say, but i was selfish and i didn't want to give up any freedom i thought i had.

but the moment i held him in my arms i knew i would give up anything for him to be happy. i even let him play with my action figures...